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Last leg of the journey

So another San Diego con is in the books. I'll be heading home tonight.

Highlights:

The autographing sessions, particularly at Marvel, were well attended and enthusiastic.

The gigantic scale model of the Black Pearl atop the Pirates display.

The presentations for the Hulk and Iron Man films, complete with stars and directors in attendance. Ed Norton looks as if he was born to play Bruce Banner, and the four minutes of footage from "Iron Man" were absolutely fantastic. If nothing else, it reminds you of what a fantastic actor Robert Downey Junior is.

Saw the pilot episode of "Sarah Connor Chronicles." Absolutely great, although there was faint moaning from the audience when the closing words, "Coming Soon from Fox" appeared on the screen, since Fox's track record with SF isn't exactly stellar.

Met Guy Williams, Jr., who--among other things--sells replicas of his father's Zorro outfit. Pictures of me modeling some of the outfit will go up as soon as I have them in hand.

Bought neat stuff for the family.

Participated in Mark Evanier's Quick draw panel, once again guessing three words that the artists had to convey via pictures only. Abstract words like "Easy" (which ironically was the hardest). Got all three in a reasonable amount of time. I always love the "Aha" moment when I suddenly realize what the word is. It's the closest I'll experience to the kind of moment that Monk has when he solves the case.

The Impact publishing table brought sixty copies of my book on writing comics and by the end of the con had only three left, so that was nice.

PAD

Marvel 16, DC 9

The second annual Marvel vs. DC softball game came to a hard-fought conclusion Thursday as, for the second year in a row, Marvel triumphed over DC in the San Diego softball contest. The prize was the treasured Stan Lee Cup (not to be confused with that two-bit imitator, the Stanley Cup.)

Your humble host pitched the first three innings, allowing one run. I ran into trouble in the fourth, as I got rattled between a couple of walks and some poor fielding by my teammates that caused our 8-1 lead to be trimmed to 8-5. Paul Jenkins came in to pitch and, after allowing DC to take the lead 9-8, got us out of the inning. An Humberto Ramos grand slam followed by a solo shot by Johnny Romita, Jr., put Marvel back on top and we never looked back. Paul volunteered to come back out so I could return to the mound, but he was pitching well and I didn't want to mess with a good thing, so instead I subbed in as catcher when the player who had been catching asked to be taken out on account of being drunk. All proceeds when to the Hero Initiative.

Several of our players were celebrating with the Stan Lee Cup at the Hyatt bar after midnight. Losing DC player Dan Didio saw the guys and endeavored to snare the cup away from them, perhaps in hope that--since they were drinking--they wouldn't notice. Unfortunately what Dan was unaware of was that they were, in fact, drinking beer out of the Stan Lee Cup. Consequently, Dan's abortive attempt to yank the Cup away from its bearer's grasp resulted in beer spilling out of the cup and down Dan's crotch. To his credit, Dan was a good sport about it and then drank the remainder of the beer from the cup. And yes, that little incident was captured on video, although not by me, since I was securely asleep in my room by that point.

PAD

Every so often, I have my moments

So we were at Disney-MGM today (anyone reading Kath's blog is getting a blow by blow of our vacation) and Ariel was interested in riding "Tower of Terror." But when we arrived, there was a sign indicating that there would be no Fastpass available: A way of checking in early at a popular ride and getting a set time at which you can return and head straight in, thus enabling you to plan your day more effectively. Without Fastpass, the popular rides are going to have formidable waits.

We decided to check the status board on Main Street, the one that tells you what rides are open and what the projected wait times were. Curiously, there was a little sign blocking the wait time for TOT, and the sign read, "Guess the Wait Time!" Ariel guessed a half hour and the Disney cast member overseeing the board shook his head. He turned to me. I gave it some thought and said "Fifty seven minutes." He said, "We only go in increments of five." "Oh. Okay." I rounded up. "Sixty minutes." He blinked in surprise and removed the sign to reveal "60 Minutes." He asked if we were planning to go on ("We" being Ariel, myself, and a friend of ours, Jay, with whom we'd met up at the park.) I said yes. He then gave us Fastpasses for TOT, telling us that today the ONLY way one could get a Fastpass for TOT was to guess the wait time.

We walked over to TOT with the passes and the cast member to whom we presented them said, "These are rare as gold" before waving us past a huge line.

Cool.

PAD

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS (Spoilers permitted)

Overall, I liked it a hell of a lot.

I've given it some thought and decided that I won't go into detail. I will simply say that I think Rowling pulled it off. Yes, to some degree it was "Harry Potter and the Deathly Exposition," but she had a lot of ground to cover and loose ends to tie off. She accomplished a hell of a feat.

And the only vaguely spoilerish thing I'll mention is this: At one point Harry, having been rendered insensate, comes around, and we have the following sentence:

"Almost as soon as he had reached this conclusion, Harry became conscious that he was naked."

Am I the only one who, upon reading this, immediately jumped to the conclusion that in a burst of metafiction, Harry was going to discover that he was on stage in a production of "Equus?"

PAD

Worst...airport...experience...ever.

So there we were at a fairly small airport in Long Island, our preferred means of departing the area by air as opposed to the more busier, more hectic JKF or LaGuardia, as casa David prepared for our annual pilgrimage to Florida (followed by my continuation to the San Diego con.)

We encounter a huge line waiting for curbside check-in, but the line inside seems no shorter, so we wait. And wait. We inch forward. After about fifteen minutes of waiting, some guy steps in back of us. Apparently he doesn't realize that he's cutting in line, because there's ten people behind us. It's just that the woman behind us hadn't yet moved forward because she had several suitcases to maneuver. Kathleen points out to him that he's cutting in line and indicates where the actual end is. His response? He starts cursing at her, telling her to go f*** herself.

I immediately round on him and tell him to back the hell off. He tells me I should mind my own business. I tell him if he starts cursing out my wife, he's made it my business. Our faces are literally inches apart as, out loud, I'm hurling profanities at him as fast as he's tossing them at me, and I'm thinking My God, where the hell are all the cops you always see patrolling the place? Reading the new Harry Potter book? He informs me I have no idea who I'm f***ing with, and then heads to the back of the line. People are looking at me and, looking for a reality check, I say, "Was it me?" And they smile and shake their heads and say, "Noooo...it wasn't you."

I'm thinking, "How could this day get off to any worse of a start?"

We finally get to the front of the line and they won't check in Kathleen. Caroline and I are free to go, but they insist that Kath has to go stand on the line INSIDE the airport and present further ID. I say, "We already waited once; it's insane that we'd have to wait on ANOTHER line." They just stare icily at Kath and say they can't do a thing.

And I'm thinking, It can't be what I think it is.

After losing another twenty minutes of time, and with our flight set to depart in twenty minutes, we finally learn that it's exactly what I'd worried it was:

"Kathleen David" is apparently a similar name (not even the same: Similar) to someone who is a suspected terrorist. As a result, Kathleen is on a No-Fly list. A woman who doesn't have so much as a parking ticket in her history is now being told she has to allow another HOUR of time at airport check ins so that she can stand on long lines and present additional identification to prove she's not someone else with a similar name who might or might not have done something. The ONLY reason we managed to make our flight was because Caroline was in a stroller and they had a separate, and much shorter, line through security for people with wheelchairs or strollers.

They gave her a piece of paper with a number to call to have herself removed from this list. I am, frankly, less than hopeful that this will be resolved quickly and efficiently. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did it turn out?

PAD

The Sopranos Ending

With Emmy nominations out, there's apparently some buzz that the inconclusive ending to the series might hurt its chances.

Personally...I thought the ending was brilliant.

First of all, anyone who thought that David Chase was going to provide *any* sort of conclusive or definitive ending to "Sopranos" just wasn't paying attention. Chase not only delights in flying in the face of fan expectations, but apparently still treasures the fact that fans are STILL annoyed about the Russian mobster who escaped into the snow-covered forest, never to be seen again. I didn't think for a moment that Chase would tie everything off because LIFE doesn't tie everything off.

In the movie "Man on the Moon," Andy Kaufman (Jim Carrey) asks a wise man what the secret of comedy is. The wise man replies, "Silence."

Later Kaufman is shown delightedly coming up with the notion of booby-trapping his special so that, at about the mid-point, the picture would start rolling. His concept was that all across America, people watching the special would go to their TVs and start trying to fix the horizontal hold, and even banging on their sets in frustration. He thought that it would be funny.

Chase applied that sort of thinking to his finale.

I'm sitting there watching the conclusion in a hotel room (I was in LA at the time.) The tension is building, shot by shot. Everything seems innocuous, and so you just KNOW that SOMETHING is going to happen. Tony's daughter is struggling to park the car; will her inability to parallel park mean that she winds up surviving a massacre? A spooky looking guy keeps glancing Tony's way. He heads into the bathroom. Is he going in there for a gun? Tony seems oblivious, or is he? Tension build, tension build, almost to the breaking point...

Screen goes black.

I jump to my feet, and I'm shouting, "Son of a bitch!" I'm convinced the cable's gone out. I'm positive that everyone else is watching this and seeing the ending and my stupid cable has chosen that moment to go on the fritz. For ten of the longest seconds of my life I'm going out of my mind...and then the credits start to roll. It takes me a moment to register what I've just seen: I didn't miss anything. That WAS the end.

Nothing that David Chase could have put in there--NOTHING--could have equaled, in terms of pure emotion, the mind-rending agitation I felt in those long seconds of silence. SIlence, which is apparently the secret to drama as well as comedy. Yelling at the TV, cursing my fate to miss the final moments due to technological ineptitude. Feeling that same frustration that viewers of the Kaufman special would have felt, but heightened. Just as "The Sopranos" was a deeply personal story for Chase, so was the ending a personal experience for every viewer, because everyone experienced their own level of frustration and angst by not knowing for long seconds what the hell was happening.

And, of course, it's destined to be unique. Short of riffing it in parody, no one can ever do something like that again. It's "the Sopraonos ending."

As I said...brilliant.

PAD

Ariel's Harry Potter predictions

Spoilers for the upcoming last "Harry Potter" novel are starting to spring up like weeds on the internet.

I've read none of them, but now seems a good a time as any to post my daughter Ariel's predictions. Over the past two weeks she's re-read the previous six books and here's what she thinks will happen.

(I'm putting them below the cutline since I know there are some strange individuals out there who consider guesses to be spoilers, but I emphasize that in the definition of spoilers that sane people hew to, there are none.)

Real spoilers are NOT to be put onto this thread.

1) Wormtail will save Harry in return for his debt. I believe it is DUmbledore who says that in saving Wormtail from bing killed by Lupin, Wormtail is now in Harry's debt.

2) Either Ron or Hermoine will die. There is no way they will get a happy endng. It seems too good to be true that they get a happy ending.

3) I hope Neville kills Bellatrix.

4) Harry versus Voldemort will take place in Cedric's Hollow, which will become nicknamed Deathly Hallow afterwards.

5) Regulus Black took the locket. I have looked through all the books and he is the only one with RB as his initials. They mention in the fifth book when they are cleaning the house of Black that there is a locket.

There. Ariel's guesses. We'll see how close she came. She also mentions that she wants Russell T. Davies to do one of the two remaining Harry Potter films.

PAD

Beast-iality

At Shore Leave convention in Maryland, we performed a sketch in masquerade involving Beauty and the Beast..and the Beast...and the Beast. Beauty, a.k.a Belle, is Marina Olsen, costumed by her mom. Kathleen made the rest of the outfits. That's her as Vincent, with Ariel as the Disney Beast and me as the X-Men Beast. Neither the audience nor the judges knew it was me; I billed myself as "Hank McCoy." We took first place for Showcase of Champion and won Best In Show.

PAD

OUT THIS WEEK: X-FACTOR #21

First of a four part story. Whad'ja think?

PAD

Names you feel sorry for, Episode 1

An irregular feature for this blog that I'm instituting here: As someone who had a name that high schoolers thought was hysterically funny for some damned reason, I will occasionally take note of individuals who probably suffered more in high school than I did.

The first winner:

HUNTER PENCE.

A rookie outfielder for the Houston Astros, I think we can surmise that this is someone who never wanted to enter the armed forces, the police force, or become a commercial airline pilot, for fear of achieving the rank of "Captain." Because that would make him (say it out loud) Captain Hunter Pence.

What the hell were his parents thinking? Of all first names to link to a name like Pence. What, "Tup' Pence was taken? How many times did this poor devil get called "Underpants" throughout his school career? We'll probably never know. He may well have become an athlete just so he'd be big and strong enough to beat the crap out of kids who made fun of him.

PAD

Beauty is only skin deep...but really, who needs a sexy kidney?

Investigations are apace into the blackmailing of Miss New Jersey, Amy Palumbo. When one is dealing with a scheme designed to make a beauty queen give up her crown, the obvious culprit (at least insofar as the inevitable episode of "Law and Order" will play it) would be the runner up, and that's where police investigations are now turned. Personally, if I were a cop, I wouldn't be grilling the runner up; I'd be talking to her friends and boyfriends. This whole thing has the stink of some chowderheaded guy who thinks he's doing his girl friend or girlfriend a favor by setting up a situation so that she can take over the crown. Apparently the saga of a skater named Ms. Harding didn't leave an impression as to how such schemes typically turn out.

I very much suspect that Ms. Palumbo will not be forced to resign. Why let the terrorists win? However, if she were, it wouldn't be the worst fate. Quick, name the Miss America some years back who was forced to resign in disgrace. Right: Vanessa Williams. Now, just as quick, name the woman who took over the crown in her place. Ummm....

PAD

Car Toon

Kath and I went to see "Transformers" this afternoon.

Now I was a bit old for the animated series when it first aired, so I have no particular attachment to the characters or concepts. I'm not going to get my knickers in a knot because character designs were changed or liberties were taken. I'm much more interested in the simple concept of whether I was entertained or not.

Answer: Most definitely.

Mild spoilers below...

I have to admit that I found the first forty five minutes the most engaging. Our young hero, Sam (Shia LeBoeuf acting his heart out) buys his first car, a yellow Camaro, which turns out to be (wait for it) more than meets the eye. In short order the vehicle is playing matchmaker for Sam and a local hottie. But the car is also heavily armed and good in a fight as a shapeshifting police car goes after Sam and a titanic struggle ensues. Basically the film initially plays out like the mutant crossbreeding of "Terminator II" and "The Lovebug"..."Herbie Goes to Defcon 4," if you will.

If that's where the movie had remained, that honestly would have been good enough for me. But nearly an hour in, the rest of the titular heroes show up: Twenty foot tall living machines who mostly appear to have picked up our language through the internet (which would explain the wacky names they have. Bumblebee? Why in the world would an alien be named after an Earth insect?) As Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen, the original OP) explains the Autobots' backstory while his cohorts each exhibit their one character trait, the film teeters into the arena of the truly ludicrous.

Fortunately director Michael Bay wisely decides to go with the silliness rather than fight it. The result is grin worthy sequences such as the sight of a bunch of gargantuan robots trying to remain inconspicuous in a suburban back yard and failing spectacularly. By acknowledging the inherent absurdity of the situation, Bay manages to hold on to his audience's suspension of disbelief long enough for us to segue into some truly spectacular battle scenes, including a climactic half hour running battle between Autobots, Decepticons, and the US Army, while various bystanders desperately try not to get themselves blown up, shot up, or just plain crushed. Some gloriously hysterical dialogue (one Autobot, fed up with Sam's annoying parents, argues the advantages of simply blowing them to hell; at another point, Optimus Prime obliterates Sam's mother's garden and mutters, "Sorry...my bad") and surprisingly scatological sequences (a Transformer chooses a very crass means of displaying his contempt for an abusive government spook) hold the entire film together. At its best when focusing on the core concept of A Boy and His Car, it nevertheless...despite a bit of unevenness...provides exactly what one would expect: Two-plus hours of mindless entertainment.

Surrender now to the certainty of a sequel.

PAD

Cale, Cale, the gang's all here

Received the following missive from Andy Schmidt, the editor who basically willed both the Madrox LS and "X-Factor" into existence:

"I'm pleased to announce that Alix and I had a son on Sunday, July 1st, 2007. His name is Cale Richard Schmidt, he weighed in at 7 lbs, 11 oz, and is purely awesome."

Naturally I was hoping for (a) multiple births or (b) that the kid would be named Jamie. But, hey, a happy event is a happy event.

PAD

OUT LAST WEEK: FALLEN ANGEL #17

First of a three parter guest-starring Billy Tucci's "Shi," with Billy contributing eleven pages of art and a flip book cover. Whad'ja think?

PAD

The Fourth of July

Let us pause a moment to consider the patriots who founded this country, the immortal document that put forward their sentiments in words so plain and firm as to command the world's assent, and the fact that not a single one of them felt the need to sign a fake name to it. It just wouldn't have been the same if John Hancock had, in lieu of the moniker that would launch a thousand insurance offices, written "BEANEATER1776" large enough so fat George in England could read it without his glasses.

Happy Fourth everybody.

PAD

And as the GOP Presidential candidates wince...

AP has reported the following:

"President Bush commuted the sentence of former aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby Monday, sparing him from a 2 1/2-year prison term in the CIA leak case. Bush left intact a $250,000 fine and two years probation for Libby, according to a senior White House official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the decision had not been announced."

Watch the Republican Prez candidates back away even further from the Bush Administration.

PAD

UPDATED 7-3: THIS JUST IN...It has been announced that Scooter Libby will indeed go to jail since, as it turned out, Bush commuted the sentence in error: He thought he was guaranteeing no jail time for Phil Rizzuto.

UPDATED 7-4: Well, I have to admit, I underestimated the GOP candidates. Thus far, to my knowledge, they've lined up behind Bush. In fact, amazingly, they're even managing to blame Bill Clinton. "Hey, Clinton pardoned people who the public thought shouldn't have been, so why shouldn't Bush?" The obvious answer is that because Bush set himself up as being morally superior to Clinton.

It seems that the GOP candidates are simply without shame. Or perhaps they want to preserve the option of extending clemency to their own people when they commit crimes.

PAD

Katherine Keller's CBLDF challenge

Katherine Keller, editor of "Sequential Tart," has asked me to post the following challenge:

"If I get 40 emails (kadymae at operamail dot com) with a proof
of a donation of at least $25 to the CBLDF since 6/10, I will
personally hand Charles Brownstein a cheque for $1000 at San
Diego.

I've got 30 people so far, as well as an amazing co-offer. A
gentleman by the name of Carl Rigney has offered to match my
$1000 if I get the 40 emails."

She has ten more to go. It'd be cool if the remaining ten came from readers of this blog.

PAD

OUT THIS WEEK (well, last week) X-FACTOR #20

The conclusion of the X-Cell storyline. Whad'ja think?

PAD