June 08, 2007

My first and last word on Paris Hilton

Instead of putting her in jail or under house arrest, they should make it so that anytime she wants to drive someplace, she has to carpool with Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson.

PAD

Posted by Peter David at June 8, 2007 09:48 AM | TrackBack | Other blogs commenting
Comments
Posted by: Hamish Grant at June 8, 2007 10:00 AM

It would have been so much better if you just ignored her.

Posted by: R.J. Carter at June 8, 2007 10:29 AM

Someone ought to propose in Congress this crazy idea that we should all have equal protection under the law.

Posted by: michael t at June 8, 2007 10:32 AM

I think as punishment for all this stupidity, the judge should put her in with the general population of the prison and just say to her: girl, now you are going to find out what a real mental problem is. And while he is at it, put the idiot sheriff in there too.

Posted by: David Gian-Cursio at June 8, 2007 10:36 AM

That's pretty harsh.

Posted by: Rick Keating at June 8, 2007 11:17 AM

Hamish Grant is right, this girl isn’t worthy of our attention. Yes, girl. Whatever her biological age, I don’t think she has the emotional maturity to be considered a woman.

And I, for one, am sick of this phenomenon in which people are famous just for being famous. Maybe it’s always been true, even before the advent of mass media, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. As a consequence I pay very little attention to these “celebrities”, as I consider them inconsequential.

Actor, comedians, musicians, etc. are (or should be) famous because they perform their work for the public, and often do so in the public eye. Whether you agree with the quality of their work, their personal conduct, their political beliefs, etc., at least they’re contributing something to our culture. What have these “famous for being famous” celebrities contributed?

Of course there is that catch-22 that celebrities face if they become involved in anything that “gives back to the community” (whether on a local or global scale): Are they sincerely interested or jumping on a “trendy” bandwagon? I guess the answer lies in these questions: did they focus on such issues before they became famous; and will they continue to do so even after the spotlight has moved on?

But whether involved in an issue because they believe in it, or because they’re following a “trend”, at least these “celebrities” contribute something to the community above and beyond providing whatever entertainment they offer. What have these “famous for being famous” people contributed- on any level?

Besides fodder for late night talk show hosts, that is?

Rick

P.S. I’m not suggesting that celebrites should have an obligation to “give back to the community” in some high profile way. Those who focus on raising their kids, attending parent-teacher conferences, coaching Little League, and things of that nature are already giving back. But again, that’s more than I can say for the “famous for being famous” ilk.

Posted by: Sean Martin at June 8, 2007 12:33 PM

From metadish.com:

"So apparently the judge in the Paris Hilton case is pretty pissed off that Paris’ personal Sheriff, Lee Baca, let her out of jail early. Especially since in his original ruling the judge specifically said, “she will not be allowed any work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or any electronic monitoring in lieu of jail”.

Not only that, when the judge ordered Paris to show up in court this morning to discuss this, but then fake sheriff to the stars Baca told her she didn’t have to show up she could just call in! Judge Michael T. Sauer was having none of it and ordered the sheriff’s department to pick her up and bring her to court."

Posted by: Bob Ahrens at June 8, 2007 12:41 PM

Put her in a burka and send her to the Hezbollah..

Posted by: bob ahrens at June 8, 2007 12:57 PM

Or how about Pahrump, Nevada?

Posted by: Joseph Charpak at June 8, 2007 01:20 PM

"Instead of putting her in jail or under house arrest, they should make it so that anytime she wants to drive someplace, she has to carpool with Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson."

How about making her move to NY and take public transportation everywhere, Los Angeles lacking meaningful public transportation and all.

Posted by: Brian Douglas at June 8, 2007 01:32 PM

"Instead of putting her in jail or under house arrest, they should make it so that anytime she wants to drive someplace, she has to carpool with Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson."

That's hot!

Posted by: red-Ricky at June 8, 2007 01:56 PM

"Instead of putting her in jail or under house arrest, they should make it so that anytime she wants to drive someplace, she has to carpool with Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson."--PAD

Mmmm... not over reacting, are we?

I mean, it's obvious to this outsider that having your probation revoked for driving without a license in a reckless driving case is akin to getting away with murder!

Say, why don't we sweeten the pot and throw Michael Jackson in too! Add child molestation to her list of sins!

And no, I'm not a Paris Hilton fan (although I'm a Hilton Honors Frequent Stay Member since last week); but it seems to me that America is suffering fat chick syndrome or Queen Bee envy. (Pick your poison)

Either way I say we go after the Prom King, next! Say... Maybe we could get George Clooney. I mean, a lot of people already hate him, and I bet we could easily get him on a jaywalking charge. Who's with me?

Who wants to make an example out of him?; show the world that jaywalking is a serious offense and won't be tolerated in America (unlike murder, child molestation, perjury and police brutality).

Posted by: Jon C. Manzo at June 8, 2007 02:03 PM

And when FOX makes this their next reality show, we'll have you to blame for giving them the idea.

"Next on FOX, "Celebrity Carpool"!

Posted by: Jon C. Manzo at June 8, 2007 02:03 PM

And when FOX makes this their next reality show, we'll have you to blame for giving them the idea.

"Next on FOX, "Celebrity Carpool"!

Posted by: Patrick Calloway at June 8, 2007 02:10 PM

Personally, I think drunk driving is a fairly serious offense. Your milage may, of course, vary...

Posted by: Christine at June 8, 2007 02:35 PM

How about we just forbid her any publicity ever again?

No books, no records, no television, no video (sorry guys), and no tabloids. Just having to live her life like a regular Jane.

Posted by: mewofford at June 8, 2007 02:37 PM

Paris Hilton is a celebrity. Like the lilly of the field, she toils not and neither does she spin.

Personally, I think spending some time in the local jail would do the girl some good. Give her a different perspective on the world and its inhabitants than she has had up until this time. She really has never stood much of a chance to have a normal life.

Posted by: Hooper at June 8, 2007 03:01 PM

This Fall...on FOX....Paris and Nicole are back in: "The Simple Life: Prison Break"!!

Posted by: Ebonstone at June 8, 2007 03:01 PM

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. What have we said about pooling evil?

Posted by: red-Ricky at June 8, 2007 03:05 PM

"Personally, I think drunk driving is a fairly serious offense. Your milage may, of course, vary..."--Patrick Calloway

I agree. I wholeheartedly agree!

But the girl had a .08 blood alcohol level, which is suppossed to be the legal limit.

So, not only is she the first person in the history of the world to actually be telling the truth when she said she had less than a glass of whine; but she still got busted for it!

That's like getting flunked out of college with a solid 2.5 GPA!!!!

I'm sorry, but I can't help shake this feeling that Paris is like a stupid little guppy who can't swim straight, in a tank full of boodthirsty media sharks, opportunistic political lions and online T-Rexes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_alcohol_content


Posted by: Manny at June 8, 2007 03:17 PM

Make her listen to her own "music".

Posted by: Bladestar at June 8, 2007 03:32 PM

The jail sentence wasn't for drunk driving, it was for driving on a suspended license.

She did the crime, she can do the time, not favoritism or special treatment for the wealthy and useless.

She's a giant waste of life and money. Her parents should be horribly ashamed of themselves and their child-rearing skills for letting her turn out this way.

I believe "Family Guy" gets the nod for it's parody featuting Paris and Nicole in prison, "Simple Life:Behind Bars" or something like that was the title...

Posted by: J. Alexander at June 8, 2007 03:54 PM

Hmmm. Is Paris the anti Martha Stewart?

Posted by: red-Ricky at June 8, 2007 04:18 PM

I don't know. Maybe I'm not seeing the forest for the trees; but I thought the people of California pay enough taxes as it is. So wouldn't the state of California be better off by collecting the $500,000 bounty on her picture than trying to enforce a 45 day prison sentence that is bleeding the county on account of their security fees, lawyer fees, media circus, traffic jams and who knows what else (I mean, I'm sure the judge is not working for free, either.)

I know the saying goes "do the crime, do the time"; but in this particular instance I can't help but think that most Americans just "do the fine" and Paris just happens to be todays the sacrificial lamb.

Oh, well. At least it makes for a great bedtime story in which to scare little girls!

"Don't drive without a license or they'll throw you in jail with Paris!"

"Always wear underwear and never have sex with your boyfriend because if you do, he'll post it in the internet, just like Paris' did."

Posted by: Sasha at June 8, 2007 04:18 PM

Looks like she's gonna do the time after all.

Posted by: Peter David at June 8, 2007 04:30 PM

"Instead of putting her in jail or under house arrest, they should make it so that anytime she wants to drive someplace, she has to carpool with Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson."--PAD

Mmmm... not over reacting, are we?"

Uh...no. We're not. We're just making a one-line joke that plays off the notion of famous people in LA getting away with stuff.

PAD

Posted by: Christine at June 8, 2007 04:48 PM

"How about making her move to NY and take public transportation everywhere, Los Angeles lacking meaningful public transportation and all."

Please don't send her here. We have enough .. umm... challenges.

Posted by: Landry Walker at June 8, 2007 05:36 PM

red-Ricky: "But the girl had a .08 blood alcohol level, which is suppossed to be the legal limit."

California state law prohibits persons from driving a motor vehicle when their blood alcohol level (BAC) is a .08% or more.

Posted by: Landry Walker at June 8, 2007 06:05 PM

To clarify: California has two basic drunk driving laws, found in Vehicle Code section 23152, sections (a) and (b):

23152(a) It is a misdemeanor to drive under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs.

23152(b) It is a misdemeanor to drive with .08% or more of alcohol in your blood.

Paris Hilton was driving while legally drunk. If she wasn't, I somehow imagine she could afford a lawyer competent enough to beat a bad rap. So don't make excuses for her and don't vilify those who rightly condemn her. She broke a very serious law, then violated her probation repeatedly. Her imprisonment is just.

Posted by: michael t at June 8, 2007 06:13 PM

1"How about making her move to NY and take public transportation everywhere, Los Angeles lacking meaningful public transportation and all.

Please don't send her here. We have enough .. umm... challenges. "

Lets just dump her off somewhere in Inwood or South Bronx at 2am. Everything should take care of itself from that moment on...

Posted by: R.J. Carter at June 8, 2007 07:08 PM

My personal schadenfreude right now is at aphrodisiac levels!

Posted by: Jeff In NC at June 8, 2007 07:19 PM

Better yet, if she wants to stay at her little mansion with a ankle alarm, then she should be allowed to. Only, every other person in the jail at the same time gets to stay in her mansion with her.

Posted by: Bubba7 at June 8, 2007 07:30 PM

I sat and watched the Faux *ahem* Fox News Channel this afternoon for an hour and all they talked about was Paris Hilton. I couldn't help wondering as I watched how many civilians and soldiers (on both sides) were bleeding and dying in Iraq, Afganistan, Croatia, Serbia, Somolia, ad infinitum... the U.S. military machine really learend the lesson of Vietnam:

For God's sake, don't let the press record anything that might show the folks back home just how awful the war that's being fought in their name *REALLY* is.

Bread and Circuses, anyone?

Posted by: Namora at June 8, 2007 07:38 PM

Actually, shouldn't she carpool with Lizzie Grubman?

Posted by: Namora at June 8, 2007 07:38 PM

Actually, shouldn't she carpool with Lizzie Grubman?

Posted by: Jasmine Loucks at June 8, 2007 08:28 PM

Honestly, the level of me caring is in the negatives. Cute joke though.

Am I the only one surprised that even on this blog you can get a heated debate around Paris? I mean, if this were some argument about the proper punishment for drinking and driving and/or violating your probation, well, that I can see. I don't have any first or last words beyond that.

Posted by: JamesLynch at June 8, 2007 11:56 PM

I think that Paris Hilton e should do some more porn.

Now, what's the topic that we're discussing?

Posted by: Luigi Novi at June 9, 2007 12:53 AM

Joseph Charpak: How about making her move to NY and take public transportation everywhere, Los Angeles lacking meaningful public transportation and all.
Luigi Novi: Oh sure, force us straphangers to ride the subway with the skank.

Posted by: NoelCT at June 9, 2007 01:45 AM

Manny wrote: 'Make her listen to her own "music".'

Absolutely! I fully agree! I...hey, what's that over there? (tucks copy of cd in hiding place)

Posted by: Thomas E. Reed at June 9, 2007 04:40 AM

The Boss Man said:
"Instead of putting her in jail or under house arrest, they should make it so that anytime she wants to drive someplace, she has to carpool with Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson."

That's not a solution. That's a premise to a sitcom. Look, Mr. D., we won't say a thing about it and we promise not to steal your idea. Go ahead and write up a treatment really quick and pitch it. Given the current slate of new series for this fall (the Geico cavemen, more Bachelor, the Bionic Woman exhumation) they're going to need more new series soon, and your intriguing premise sounds better than anything I've heard so far.

And that includes the pilot about "carpooling" that this vaguely resembles. The show can even be spiced up with guest stars like Gary Coleman, Marie Osmond, Danny Bonaduce and Don Imus.

Posted by: Thomas E. Reed at June 9, 2007 04:40 AM

The Boss Man said:
"Instead of putting her in jail or under house arrest, they should make it so that anytime she wants to drive someplace, she has to carpool with Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson."

That's not a solution. That's a premise to a sitcom. Look, Mr. D., we won't say a thing about it and we promise not to steal your idea. Go ahead and write up a treatment really quick and pitch it. Given the current slate of new series for this fall (the Geico cavemen, more Bachelor, the Bionic Woman exhumation) they're going to need more new series soon, and your intriguing premise sounds better than anything I've heard so far.

And that includes the pilot about "carpooling" that this vaguely resembles. The show can even be spiced up with guest stars like Gary Coleman, Marie Osmond, Danny Bonaduce and Don Imus.

Posted by: MikeT at June 9, 2007 04:57 AM

Posted by Namora at June 8, 2007 07:38 PM

Actually, shouldn't she carpool with Lizzie Grubman?

Or how about Ted Kennedy?

MT

Posted by: Wildcat at June 9, 2007 05:52 AM

What's so great about the Paris Hilton anyway? If I ever get around to visiting France, I'm sure there are far better hotels in which to spend my nights. Honestly...

Wildcat

Posted by: Ken from Chicago at June 9, 2007 06:48 AM

OJ's free. Paris' locked up.

Obviously the System works.

-- Ken from Chicago

P.S. And racism's over--at least in Los Angeles.

Posted by: Larry at June 9, 2007 07:28 AM

Paris who ?

Posted by: joelfinkle at June 9, 2007 09:51 AM

Most brilliant commentary on this subject yet?
Wonkette's parody of the "Screaming Paris Hilton Returns to Jail" article, by doing nothing more than replacing Paris and her mom with Scooter Libby and Dick Cheney:
http://wonkette.com/politics/dept%27-of-jailed-celebrities/screaming-scooter-libby-sent-back-to-jail-267384.php

Posted by: Luke K. Walsh at June 9, 2007 11:07 AM

"Paris Hilton was driving while legally drunk. If she wasn't, I somehow imagine she could afford a lawyer competent enough to beat a bad rap. So don't make excuses for her and don't vilify those who rightly condemn her. She broke a very serious law, then violated her probation repeatedly. Her imprisonment is just."

Actually, by setting such a ridiculously low limit as .08, Califorina makes it hard to take their definition of drunk driving very seriously.

That said, Hilton should be serving her time in jail. She's committed multiple violations, received several warnings, and her defense appears to be "But I'm too rich and special to go to jail!" Assuming that they can guarantee her safety - because she will be far more a target than the average person - she should serve her month and a half sentence as any other citizen would.

Posted by: The StarWolf at June 9, 2007 02:09 PM

>Actually, by setting such a ridiculously low limit as .08

Don't tell that to the extremists at MADD who feel this much too high a limit to begin with.

Then again, they probably won't be satisfied until Prohibition is brought back, with the death penalty enacted to enforce it. Lord knows they aren't happy no matter how often penalties get jacked up.

Posted by: The StarWolf at June 9, 2007 02:30 PM

We shouldn't be too harsh on Hilton and the other blonde bimbo. They can be useful object lessons. For instance, a friend in Japan asked me to tape the original SIMPLE LIFE for him. He'd then show clips from the episodes to his students as an example of how far down American society had fallen.

Posted by: Landry Walker at June 9, 2007 05:44 PM

Luke K. Walsh: "Actually, by setting such a ridiculously low limit as .08, Califorina makes it hard to take their definition of drunk driving very seriously."

The StarWolf: "Don't tell that to the extremists at MADD who feel this much too high a limit to begin with."

It's pretty simple. If you drink, don't drive. If you can't abstain, you may have a problem.

I'm 35 years old and I occasionally get drunk or get stoned. In all these years I have managed to NEVER drive under the influence. It's not that difficult to enjoy the inebriating effects the world has to offer without getting behind a wheel.

Posted by: Bill Myers at June 9, 2007 09:45 PM

I'm beginning to fear that we'll always have Paris.

Posted by: Jerry Chandler at June 9, 2007 09:57 PM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bill, never say something like that again *EVER* in your entire life. I may have nightmares for weeks thanks to that.

Posted by: Rex Hondo at June 9, 2007 10:03 PM

*twitch*

Posted by: Sean Scullion at June 9, 2007 11:12 PM

Don't worry, Rex, Jerry, we at Scullion Video Editing, Screenplay Writing, and Biohazard Labs have discovered a cure after a long research. It's difficult, but we call it the TETTFO.

Yep.

It's the Turn Entertainment Tonight The F$#@ Off Process.

Yes, I know the addiction is grave and the withdrawal can be brutal, but you'll feel much better about yourself in the long run. And, you'll find you have time for more important things. Like, say, changing diapers, finishing comic books(come on, sales can't take up THAT much time) and...and...doing whatever the heck it is that Rex does. Only by ignoring people who are unimpressive except for the fact that they share genetics with hotels can we all move on to live more productive lives.

And somewhere, Michelle Phillips is scratching the back of her head and thinking, "Why the hell are my ears ringing?"

Wait, people CAN'T share genetics with hotels? Eeeesh, no wonder we didn't get that grant.

Posted by: Rex Hondo at June 9, 2007 11:19 PM

Problem is, it's a lot harder to avoid "news" about Hilton and her ilk when supposedly legitimate news sources give them as much (if not more) time as real news. Just goes to show why more and more people are getting their news from the Daily Show. At least it has no pretentions about what it is.

Also, if anyone really wants to know where a lot of my time goes any more, they need only follow the link. ;)

-Rex Hondo-

Posted by: Bill at June 10, 2007 08:24 AM

"I mean, it's obvious to this outsider that having your probation revoked for driving without a license in a reckless driving case is akin to getting away with murder!"


Remember those words the next time you or a loved one is run into and injured/killed by one of these drivers.

Posted by: Peter David at June 10, 2007 09:00 AM

"Remember those words the next time you or a loved one is run into and injured/killed by one of these drivers."

I was in sixth grade. One of my best friends was a kid named John, who lived with his sister, Ann, in the house behind us. One day school was over and I was heading to a convenience store that was situated on a street behind the school to see if they had new comic books.

I went up the dirt path that ran from the athletic field to the street level and heard, before I got there, all manner of commotion. When I got to the sidewalk, emergency vehicles were just arriving. People were clustered on the opposite sidewalk, several of them borderline hysterical.

It's one of those mental snapshot moments where your brain just clicks a picture and you can see it as vividly decades later as you could at that moment. John was covered with blood and lodged under a parked car. He had been crossing the street , a car had blown through the red light, hit him broadside, and send him flying so that he wound up under another car.

It should not be surprising to state that at that age, I had never seen a dead body. But I knew without question that I was seeing one right then and there.

I never learned the details of who hit him. Whether the person hit and ran; whether he was DUI, whether his license was revoked. I suppose at that age such details are irrelevant.

All I knew was that a friend was gone, and that I was looking at his bloodied remains.

PAD

Posted by: Jerry Chandler at June 10, 2007 09:45 AM

It's the Turn Entertainment Tonight The F$#@ Off Process.

Are you kidding? I haven't watched ET in years and I still can't escape it. This thing is taking over everything.

MSNBC has been almost wall to wall Paris. I turned on CNN just in time for them to start a breaking news bit on Pace leaving only to stop that midway through to cut to breaking Paris news. I couldn't channel surf over to Fox News so much as one time without hitting Paris coverage.

I turned on the net to get away from it and there's a BBC News alert in my inbox on Paris and her picture is all over the MSN homepage.

Finally I go outside to do some work on the yard and drag my radio along with. My fave FM station is giving Paris updates in between hard rock songs.

My XM saved my life (or at least kept me from having to turn everything off) with a burst off news free music on channels 41 & 42. And the Jack Benny came on 164. Life became good again.

Death to Paris news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Jason M. Bryant at June 10, 2007 10:05 AM

"Just goes to show why more and more people are getting their news from the Daily Show. At least it has no pretentions about what it is."

Here's the sad part about that.

A few years ago a university did a study of nightly news shows. They wanted to measure how much actual news each one had. So they came up with guidelines about what was new information (as opposed to just repeating what had been said earlier in the show or was common knowledge) and what was fluff.

The original study was done before the Daily Show was around, but they did a new study recently that included them.

The Daily Show had the same amount of actual news in it as most nightly news programs.

Posted by: Bill Mulligan at June 10, 2007 10:39 AM

For instance, a friend in Japan asked me to tape the original SIMPLE LIFE for him. He'd then show clips from the episodes to his students as an example of how far down American society had fallen.

Oh yeah, like we're gonna take that from the folks who gave us Gimme Gimme Octopus as well as game shows where fat men are hit by live eels. Google "crazy Japanese tv shows" sometime and enter a whole new world of strange.

Posted by: The StarWolf at June 10, 2007 01:29 PM

Bill - Sure, but they don't take it half as seriously, nor do the people involved generally gain anywhere near the notoriety that Hilton and the other one have.

Posted by: Den at June 10, 2007 05:46 PM

Actually, by setting such a ridiculously low limit as .08, Califorina makes it hard to take their definition of drunk driving very seriously.

Tell that the federal government. California was one of the first states to adopt .08, but it's now federally mendated in all 50 states.

I try not to think about Paris Hilton, but when I do, I keep wondering if there are aren't starving kids in Sri Lanka would be more deserving of the oxygen she's consuming.

Why are supposed to care about everything this spoiled little brat does? Let her rot in prison and permanently revoke her driver's license.

BTW, I heard on the radio last night that the reason she was let out after three days was because she was feeling depressed in jail. Gee, imagine that, jail isn't fun. Who would've thought? Apparently, she wasn't eating or sleeping. So really, it was like her normal life minus the cheap sex and blow.

Posted by: J. Alexander at June 11, 2007 11:47 AM

Hmmm. The latest story making the rounds is that she was not eating or drinking because she was afraid that some guard would snap a photo of her with a camera phone while she is sitting on the toilet. She was concerned that such a photo would then be posted on the internet.

Posted by: Craig J. Ries at June 11, 2007 10:04 PM

She was concerned that such a photo would then be posted on the internet.

This coming from a two-bit whore who's only famous because of a sex video.

Oh, the irony.

More like "oh, the @#$%ing humanity".

Posted by: J. Alexander at June 12, 2007 12:02 PM

By the way, Peter's comments are praised in this week's ALL THE RAGE.