This one is kind of difficult to talk about and will probably be difficult to read. In fact, I wasn't even sure if Kath and I were going to be discussing it, but she said she wanted to, so I'm following her lead. I'm putting it below the cut line though so you can know in advance that this isn't a typical blog entry.
Kath was having an unusually heavy period. So profuse was the bleeding, in fact, that her OBGYN's office wanted us to take her to the local emergency room last night. One concern was that it was being caused by fibroid tumors; in any event they wanted to make sure the bleeding was brought under control since it was showing no signs of slowing.
We went to the local ER. She was checked in, hooked up to an IV, and they drew blood to run a work up on her. Over the long hours, the attending (whom we starred referring to as J.D. just to remember--we actually started naming all the assorted medical care folks after TV doctors--J.D., Elliot, House, etc.) did an internal, cleared away a bunch of the clots, and said he was going to start her on a medication to slow the bleeding.
Some time later he came back to us, looking rather surprised. "Did they go into detail at your doctor's office as to possible causes?" he asked.
"They seemed most concerned about it being tumors," she said.
He shook his head and said, "Your blood work came back positive for pregnancy. You're having a miscarriage."
We were stunned.
You know that whole "ninety five pecent effective" thing about contraception? Meet Mr. and Mrs. Five percent.
Kath sobbed profusely, emotions roiling, and I just stood there looking like I'd been hit in the face with a 2 x 4.
Anyway...
We left the hospital at 3 in the morning. Ariel was a trouper taking care of a fussy, "I want my mommy" Caroline until all hours, so we let her sleep in and then stay home from school while I drove Kath today to her OB/GYN. He did an ultrasound to make certain that no further work was required, which it wasn't. Her uterus had effectively cleaned up after itself, and the bleeding is already in the process of tapering off.
"One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage," he said.
I had no idea it was that high.
When you didn't even know there was a baby in the mix...and then it's gone...it's like the biological equivalent of the Groucho Marx song, "Hello, I must be going." Except without the whole being funny aspect.
As I said, I wasn't sure if we should even be talking about this. But Kath decided that she wanted to, and if she's going to then naturally I am too. I'm still not even sure how to feel about the whole thing. Right now my focus is on taking care of Kath and trying to make the next few days as stress free on her as possible.
PAD
Posted by Peter David at March 9, 2007 01:08 PM | TrackBack | Other blogs commentingThanks to your both Peter and Kath. A friend of mines daughter just went through a miscarriage this week, and I know this story will help her know that she's not alone going through this :) It hit her especially hard, as they are trying to have their first child.
Dammit, PAD. So sorry, to both of you, to the whole family -- can't imagine how sudden and painful this is on both of you. And one in four? That's astonishing and frightening. Am just glad Kath's well and that she has a loving family to take care of her, to heal with her.
I can only imagine how rough that must have been for you two to go through, and I'm sorry.
My sympathies. We're going thru IVF ourselves so all the stress, fears, hopes, emotions are a rolla-coaster ride with minimal safety straps. I'm with you, man.
Kath and PAD,
I'm sorry--that's really rough. There's really nothing I can offer except my prayers, which you most assuredly will have. I hope that the next handful of time allows you to find some peace and comfort, and allows you to go thru the grieving process.
~Chris
Michael and I went through this in 1993.
It's okay for neither of you to know how you feel just now. There's no right way to feel.
Take care of each other and yourselves.
For some, the miscarry rate is much higher than one in four. Heidi and I had five consecutive miscarriages, most occurring in precisely the manner you describe, although two of them required a D&C procedure to stop the hemorrhaging. But then after adopting two wonderful children, we got pregnant again quite by accident and carried to term with no problems whatsoever. If there's a God, s/he has a twisted sense of humor.
I know it's difficult, but have faith that nature knows what she's doing. :^)
While my wife and I are currently enjoying are almost eight-week old baby, when she was about three months pregnant, she started to have an odd amount of bleeding and the doctor gave us the bad news concerning "1-in-4". As such, as soon as I read that as this blog's title, my chest caved in and my heart began to pour out sympathies. Please put those sympathies in a bottle and use them whenever you need to.
Best,
Chris Grillo
You all have my sympathies. I wasn't aware of those statistics either. I'm searching for something else to say to end this and drawing a blank, because nothing I can think of seems like it would be the least bit helpful, and some of the things I've thought to say seem trite. It's times like this when I wish there was more I could do. I just hope things can eventually return to normal for all of you, especially Kath.
Yes, I wish there was something I could say that could help in any way, but I doubt if that's possible. My sympathies. Perhaps the words of people who have had similar experiences will be more helpful.
Oh Kath, my heart just goes out to you. I'll give you a big hug at I-CON.
Peter and Kath, my deepest sympathies. Please take care.
My step-daughter Helen went through something like that in early 2005 - she knew she was pregnant (quite early) and then, between one doctor's visit and the next - she wasn't.
(This while husband Steve was off getting in his training before heading out to Iraq.)
But then Steve came home for leave before going Over There. They seem to be almost frighteningly fertile...
So my grand daughter will be fourteen months old Monday.
But the shock of that first one is still there in the background.
My sincere sympathy and good hopes for both you and Kathleen.
Wow. To find out the baby is there and already gone would be overwhelming. My sympathy and prayers.
Iowa Jim
Ye gods. Damn, I'm sorry this has happened to all of you. You're in my thoughts, all of you.
For whatever support and help it lends, you'll all be in my family's prayers. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so sorry to hear this -- my heart goes out to you both.
I'm normally not a praying man, my nickname aside, but I will be saying a prayer for your family tonight, Peter.
My condolences Peter. I know how you feel. Our first child was to be twins, but one was lost before we even knew about it. The doctor sliped and pointed it our on my wifes first ultrasound before he even realized what it was, otherwise he never would have even told us.
Having lived through 2 miscarriages with my wife, I know nothing that I say can help. Instead I only offer this: You and your whole family is obviously well loved. Many prayers will be said for you and your family.
Just an additional thought, for your next writing gig you should considered writing a book on "How to be a Great and Loving Father and Supportive and Loving Husband."
I'd buy 2.
Peter, I don't even want to pretend that I can relate to the situation you're both going through, so I will avoid any of the usual platitudes, which really don't do much good Suffice to say, I send my very best wishes.
Muc like you don't know how to feel, I have no idea what I could say that would be at all helpful, but I feel I must say something. I'll only say that your family is in my thoughts and you have all my best wishes.
You, Kath and your family have my deepest condolences. There is nothing that can be said or done to make this time any easier but try to take comfort in the believe that our thought and prayers are with you.
Holy $#!*, Peter and Kathleen, I'm so sorry. You have my most sincere condolences.
My condolences to you, Kathy and the family.
There's nothing I can say that would make the hurt go away, I can't think of anything to even try.
With my wife and I having been through a similar miscarriage, I understand the confusion over what you "should" be feeling. Understand that that is perfectly normal. It's also absolutely normal to go through the regular phases of grief as well, so don't fight it or think you're being silly.
Some people who haven't been through the same experience just don't _get_ that sometimes. That's okay too, you hope they never have to.
I'll be thinking of you, Kath and your family over the next few days.
Ecog
Please accept my condolences, and know that you'll both be in my thoughts.
Writers are supposed to find the right words to communicate feelings and emotions. "Sorry" just seems too small a word to have to carry the weight of so much sympathy. But it's the best word I've got.
Sorry. Stuff like this really puts the important things into perspective. Obviously nothing I say can make you feel better, but you have my condolences and it means a lot you're willing to share something this personal. Keep on truckin', Peter.
I know how you feel. I had a similar experience.
I had a miscarriage when I was 39, after my husband and me had tried in vain for a baby for years. It was emotionally very painful for me. My husband felt the loss very hard as well but he told me, there are two ways to look at this: I lost a baby but now we know that I am able to become pregnant. There is some hope.
And he was right: Our daughter was born one year later, when I was 40. It is and amazing gift.
Now she is four years old and two months ago, I am pretty sure, I had a near-pregnancy. It gave us an incentive to try harder. For example, I am losing more weight, which isn`t easy but it works so far. Who knows, maybe we will be lucky again. Blair`s wife had her youngest child with 45. But if not, we are very grateful that we have our Jennifer.
I hope my story helps you to feel better about this.
You have my deepest sympathies.
My late brother and his wife lost their first child to a miscarriage. They and I knew about the pregnancy, so it was a different situation then yours, but I still remember how hard it was on them.
The days ahead will be hard on you, but like anything, time heals all wounds. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers that healing comes soon to you.
Having gone through two miscarriages and an actual stillbirth with my wife, I know this type of unique pain that can't otherwise be described without living through it. We have two beautiful girls now (one adopted), but I still can't bring myself to look at the gown our stillborn son was dressed in before cremation that we keep in a ribboned container in our living room next to the ashes. I know so many others it's happened to, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Condolences, Peter.
Some good friends of mine had two miscarriages before finally giving birth, I too was shocked when I learned how common it is. I'm praying for both of you, I can't imagine what you're going through.
My prayers will be with you in this difficult time. Good luck. I cannot imagine what you must be going through.
My deepest sympathies to you, Kath, and the rest of the family.
My prayers and thoughts are with you both. I can't relate personally, other than to say that I'm a survivor of a 3-in-6 miscarriage rate with my mother-- Her first, fourth, and sixth pregnancies to be exact.
I was the fifth, and last successful, pregnancy and always felt that there was supposed to be "someone else" growing up. I even had an imaginary twin brother that no one knew about because it just seemed right that he should be there. In my 20s, my mother told me about the two miscarriages, I didn't know about, which finally explained my feeling of absence. It wasn't a twin who didn't survive, it was my younger sibling.
I'll think of you both and your children tonight during the Mi Shebeirach and Mourner's Kaddish.
Daniel
I'm so sorry to hear about this, PAD. I hope Kath is doing okay, now, physically and emotionally. As many others have said, a miscarriage is a deeply painful and personally tragic experience. My brother and his wife recently lost their first baby in the eighth month; there isn't really any way to comfort a couple who go through this. But as others have said, we love you both, and our thoughts and prayers are with you.
And Ariel is awesome; she seems so grown-up, mature, and reliable!
Peter--
I was going to tell you about the two that Stace had, but right now you don't need that. Just know that I'm thinking of you both, and I can well imagine what you might be feeling, probably close to what I was when it happened.
Don't know if there's anything, but if there is anything I can do, let me know.
S.
My heart goes out to both you and Kath. It must have been a terrible shock after shock. As long as she is doing all right now, that's the important thing.
Steve
That's some tough stuff, Mr. David. I can't imagine just how confused your emotions are right now. However, I'm glad that Mrs. David is doing okay.
Peter and Kath, there is absolutely nothing I can say to help ease the shock and pain of what you're going thru. All I can offer is my deepest sympathies and the wish for extra strength for you during this ordeal.
-Jeff
Happened the same way with my wife; it was one of the longer days in our lives.
I said it on livejournal to Kathy, I'll say it here.
You're both in our thoughts. A few tears from down south and a very great many prayers.
My deep sympathy to you both. Incidentally, you met my ex-wife Christine (and her powers of recall) in the ER last night. She recognized you, somehow, from the frenzy of books that I own and since removed from her habitat. I only own one of yours, Q-Squared, and had only read the first half recently (so far, so strange). I'm sure this anecdote won't be a candidate for a chapter on the paranormal in a Time/Life book, but I find it noteworthy nevertheless. I wish you and your wife well. -Andy
These are the times when the power of words mean nothing and everything, so just know that for all the words said here, there's a whole lot more out there just as concerned and wishing you all well.
I'm sincerely sorry to hear that, Peter and Kath. Both of you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I do know what you're going through, Peter - it happened to us in '05. Your writer friend above needn't feel embarrassed about not finding the words, because there aren't any. I extend instead heartfelt sympathies to you and Kathy, and your children. I only wish there were some more concrete support I could offer.
Oh, man. That's just ... really, really shitty.
Lisa and I haven't been there (and hope not to be), but we've certainly had friends and relatives of ours who've miscarried (including my mom back before I was born ... two or three times, I can't remember which). It's just an awful thing pretty much any way you look at it.
Kudos to Ariel for doing as much good as one can do under these circumstances ... and our sympathies and best wishes to you and Kath.
TWL
You have our sympathies. Our story was the reverse. The birth control failed (we now think due to medication conflict), and we had a surprise daughter. When we actually started "trying" for one a few years later, the one successful conception ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks. We had about four weeks of dreaming of a second child. It was a good four weeks.
All the best to your family, Peter.
My best to you and the wife, sir, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. It's tough to lose something like that, no matter how many times you see it used as a story device. Be strong.
That's seriously heartbreaking.
My brother and his wife went through it. My wife and I (both in our late 30s) had a relatively smooth time with the birth of our daughter four years ago and are trying to decide now whether to tempt fate again...
I'll say a prayer for you and the family tonight.
I'm very sorry to hear that, Peter. My wife and I tried for years to conceive, and we were unsuccessful. The whole process was much harder than I'd ever expected it to be. Your situation seems like it would be even harder still.
My condolences. Know that my thoughts are with you and your wife.
Peter:
Just another grieving voice wishing the sincere hope that everything will be alright from this point forward for you, Kathleen, and the rest of the Davids.
Peter and Kath,
I am truly sorry. There truly are no words I can come up with that I think would ease your pain, but I had to at least let you know that. I am truly sorry.
I'm so sorry about what happened to you both. My wife and I went through the same thing at Christmas, though we needed the whole evacuation procedure. That's when I discovered the "one in four" thing myself. And after mentioning it on my column, I then discovered so many people I knew had also miscarried. It's not something people talk about openly, and I think they should, if only that when it happens to someone else, they don't feel quite so alone. So thank you.
Peter, my condolences go out to you, your wife, and your family. My wife has had two with the most recent being just a couple of months ago. I've been there, man, and between the two miscarriages we had a wonderful son named Logan that is the center of our universe. Stay strong and be your wife's rock. My thoughts are with you.
Brad
I have absolutely no idea what you are going through, but I know it can't be easy for either of you. My thoughts are with you both.
I thank you for letting us sometimes selfish fans inside your world PAD. I just wish I could help ease some of that awful pain your family is going through. We all love you and will send up prayers, wishes, positive karma your way.
Carl
That's 3 this week for us. 2 of our closest friends both had a miscarriage over the past few days and now Kathleen.
My wife and I also went through it a couple of years ago - not nice - but the body knows when something isn't going right, so I guess it's for the best in the long run, even if it doesn't feel that way initially.
All the best to your whole family.
Simon.
That's 3 this week for us. 2 of our closest friends both had a miscarriage over the past few days and now Kathleen.
My wife and I also went through it a couple of years ago - not nice - but the body knows when something isn't going right, so I guess it's for the best in the long run, even if it doesn't feel that way initially.
All the best to your whole family.
Simon.
i am so sorry peter
my sister in law has had two miscarriages there is nothing more horrible
all my best to you and your family
Peter and Kath,
I wanted to be among the poeple who are sorry to hear about this bit of news. I agree that one in four seems high except for the fact that I have a brother and siter and my Mother had one miscarriage. Hope that you both recover from this soon.
Peter-
I am so sorry. I have no idea what you are feeling right now. My own mother miscarried years ago, but never talks about it.
I have no good words to say to this. No one should have to go through this. I can only offer you my thoughts and sympathies
Take care.
Josh
This is quite a shock. The first thing I thought of with the headline was cancer. I had no idea that miscarriages were this high. I hope you and Kath both find comfort in the next few days.
I'm really sorry for you both, Peter. There's nothing more to say, really.
You and Kath will be in my thoughts and prayers during this time. You have my sympathies.
First, I'm amazed that you guys came through such a shock relatively "well." That shows strength of character for both you and Kath. Your comics and novels have numerous examples of incredible strength of character -- MacKenzie Calhoun, anyone? -- but this shows what REAL character is. You *should* hurt, but you should also take pride in yourselves. Reasonable?
Second, it is wonderful that you supported Ariel so well and let her stay home from school. That was also incredible judgment in the middle of a crisis, and was such a great decision. Family is everything, and you're setting such a clear example of that for your kids.
Third, I humbly suggest that you could do a little family getaway to a nice lake or other peaceful area for a 3-day weekend or similar ... as soon as Kath is able of course. Hang your schedule, shelve the laptop, etc. Go and relish some quiet in nature and cherish peace in each other.
All of this is exactly what I would tell my brother or my best friend.
Fourth, I still owe you more info on somewhat recent antimatter research at NASA, from when I met you at DragonCon and bought some FNSM scripts. But that can wait ...
Awwww! A little baby! The grief is understandable. I am SO sorry to hear that. I lurk on Kathleen's blog from time to time too and as evidenced by how you guys love your kids this is quite a blow- planned or not.
Anyway I'm glad she's all right and it's not the dreaded "C" word, but I am sorry for your loss. Hang in there Kath.
My deepest sympathy to both of you. I've gone through this and watched my daughter and daughter-in-law experience it too... it hurts like hell. The best advice - of sorts - I know of is to grieve for the life that was, even if you didn't know it had begun. Feel the pain, hold onto each other and your family, and let the healing take its course. You both seem to be strong people... it will take time but you will heal. (hugs)
I'm sorry. My Wife had a miscarriage last year and it was devastating, moreso for her. I'm soorry again and wish you both well.
Joe V.
Peter, my wife and I experienced the same thing about 4 years ago. We knew we were pregant, tho that didn't make it any easier. I don't think there are three times in my life I've cried harder than that. While not a religious person I told myself that that little person just wasn't ready to be with us. About a year and a half later, my beautiful daughter joined my wife, her big brother and me in the family. It was finally her time. THEN! We had twins. Turns out "whoever is up there" decided we needed the one we lost after all. I absolutely look at either one of the twins as the miscarried baby now being with us.
You'll be ok, I know you will.
I can't imagine how much that must suck. My condolences. So many bad things happen to good people.
However I'd heard that the number is closer to 50%, most of the time the miscarriages happen so early in the pregnancy that no one, even the mother, even notices.
I'm very sorry to read of your loss. My prayers and thoughts are with your family, PAD. -- Matt
My deepest sympathies to you both. I don't know if that helps, but given the many other posts saying the same thing, I hope that you understand you all have friends out here, concerned with you as human beings and not just as celebrities.
One in four. You're right, that number is far too high, especially for what is supposed to be a country obsessed with health and sanitation. And when you think of countries where that isn't true - where some families have may children - what would it be to live with higher miscarriage rates? What must it be like to be a woman facing that? Whoever called them the weaker sex?
Peter,
Jennifer and I send our deepest sympathies. Some time ago I posted on your blog that Jenn and I were expecting twins. We've recently learned that there is a 95% chance that we will lose one of them and, depending on the circumstances of its death, its death could threaten the health or life of the other twin. This is scaring the hell out of us as we're praying for the best but preparing for the worst.
I can't imagine how much worse it is to be told that you're the father of a new life and then, in the same breath, with no time for that realization to sink in and no time to prepare for the next bit of news, told that that life is no longer there.
Jenn said that the only thing that helps her feel any better at all since we got our news has been the hugs of family, friends and the people who care about us. She said to tell you that she sends a hug for Kath and, again, or deepest sympathies.
Jerry & Jennifer Chandler
My sympathies go out to you, Kathy and your entire family.
PAD,
My condolences to you both. To your entire family, in fact. I imagine this sad news must be equally hard on them as well.
Rick.
I'll be praying for you both...Though you don't know me, please let me know if there's anything more I can do.
I am so sorry for you, Kath and the rest of your family. However, I'm sure that you'll get through this. God be with you.
Peter, I wish I knew what to say. I can't even claim to empathize because I've never been through anything remotely similar. I've no idea what you and your family must be going through right now.
For what it's worth, however, you and your family will be in my prayers. I wish Kath a speedy physical recovery. I also devoutly hope that your journey towards emotional healing will be made easier through God's grace and the support of loved ones.
I went through something similar and yet completely different a few years ago myself. God bless. My thoughts are with you and your family.
At this point I'm thinking the Chandlers are the ones with a far greater emotional row to hoe than Kath and I.
PAD
See, and I thought it was worse on your end.
Jenn and I are doing the best we can to see the fact that 95% against still leaves 5% for. We have hope. It's slim, but it's there.
To me, what happened to you, being told that you're the father of a new life and that the life was gone in the same breath, is by far more of a kick in the gut then what we have.
Peter & Jerry: recently I was discussing my lifelong battle with sleep disorders in Colleen Doran's blog. She remarked that what I had been through sounded like "torture." I replied that my problems struck me as trivial compared with those of some people in this world. After all, there are people living in areas where there is no access to medical care, adequate food, or clean water. Colleen chided me for dismissing the gravity of my own problems, and told me, "Not being allowed to acknowledge you have a bad day, or express a bad feeling because someone in Bosnia always has a bad day and bad feelings doesn’t actually accomplish anything in the world."
I don't think either of you are quite going to that extreme, but nevertheless thought Colleen's words would be worth passing along. Meeting a man with no feet may make your bunions seem like less of a burden... but bunions still hurt and it's not overly selfish to acknowledge that.
Jerry, I didn't mention your situation in my prior post in this thread because you had told me in a private e-mail that it's painful to discuss. I've been trying to give you the space you and Jenn said you need right now. But let me reiterate here what I said in my most recent e-mail to you: you're a friend, and therefore you may feel free to draw on me for as much or as little support as you need. Whatever, whenever: you have only to ask.
Jerry, remember that sometimes the long shot come through. As an Aspie (Asperger's Syndrome), there was a 30% chance my first child would be somewhere on the autistic spectrum, and only an 8% chance that child would have full-blown Kanner's autism. This chance was further reduced when the ultrasound revealed she was a girl - three-fourths of autistics are male.
Guess what her official diagnosis is?
Point being, that 5% chance you've got may not be quite as farfetched as you've feared - and for what it's worth, we'll be praying for you, too (Peter and Kath got into the prayers when we read the post).
(Hope you don't mind, PAD - I mean, we're not Jewish or anything, but the Guy we pray to was!)
Peter, I'm so very sorry for the both of you. At least Kathleen is healthy, and the two of you can still gaze on the beautifully adorable face of the child that you have together, as well as your other kids and family members. You're two strong people, and I know you'll get through this, and be even stronger for it. May all your future trips to doctors be filled with joy and happiness.
My condolences on your loss.
I'm told my grandmother had two miscarriages in her lifetime. She miscarried her first, had my mother, then my aunt, and miscarried the last. I'm told she always referred to the two she lost as her boys, to match her two girls, I think.
One of my managers at work had a miscarriage last week. In her case, though, it was a bit of a hellish experience. She was told at the six-week check-up that the baby had, along with a genetic defect, congestive heart failure which would kill her before birth. So my manager spent the last few months of her pregnancy basically preparing herself emotionally for a stillbirth.
May God give us His strength in our hours of need.
Chris
Hearing about miscarriages always makes me wonder if my mother would have had me if she hadn't miscarried my nascent brother-to-be several months into her pregnancy. I'm pretty sure they were stopping at the third child, so it's a little unnerving to think of.
With no children of my own and none planned, I cannot imagine the emotions you are feeling. Thank you for sharing this with us - your fans and friends. Take care.
Jerry, I hope the odds thathave treated Peter and Kath so harshly will be kinder to you and your wife.
All the stories on this thread are very sad and very humbling. I have never come close to any similar experience myself, but looking back to the previous generations of my family it seems as if that such stories are have always been there in one way or another.
We recently found a poem written by my great-grandfather for a son he lost about a 100 years ago. 4 others went on to have familes of their own, including my grandmother and mother with their stories. This is very humbling to me.
Jerry, what Bill Myers said speaks for many of us.
We have become so protected by medicine from the harsh realities of human existence that it comes as a shock to see the statistics on miscarriages. Reading accounts of our ancestors reveals the death of children as a regular event but now it's a rare tragedy. Most of us are poorly prepared for even the possibility. I know I am. Seeing Peter and Jerry handle and openly discuss these things helps give strength to those who may face similar hardships in the future and I thank you for your courage in doing so.
On a much lighter note:
Meeting a man with no feet may make your bunions seem like less of a burden... but bunions still hurt and it's not overly selfish to acknowledge that
That reminded me of two lines, one from Jacky Handey, the other, conversely, not: I cried because I had no starter fluid, until I met a man who had no chainsaw. and Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them.
And then there's Steven Wright: "Once I saw a man walking down the street with wooden legs and real feet."
More seriously ... Jerry, our thoughts and best wishes are with you. Odds are odds for a reason: people can and do beat 'em.
TWL
Wow, my condolences and sympathies. My wife and I had thought we might never have kids, preferring to be dinks (double income no kids). However, she got sick last year and bang, she was pregnant. She had a pretty bad miscarriage 2.5 months in, and we realized we wanted kids. We waited, tried again last summer and she had another bad miscarriage again. We both thought something was wrong with one or both of us, but then we heard what you did, that 1 in 4 miscarry. I still have trouble beleiving it, but after hearing since that my mother, grandmother and mother-in-law all had several miscarriages, its a sobering fact of life we have to accept. I can only imagine that it makes you appreciate the kids you do have, though. That's the thought that is going to keep us going as we try a third time this year. God bless.
Mike Hintze, good luck.
It's obvious just from our little sampling size here that this is an issue that far more people have to deal with than most would expect. It just doesn't get talked about much, leaving people to think they are alone.
Adoption is a similar, though far happier issue. When my ex-wife and I adopted our oldest daughter, the beautiful Amanda, it seemed like people came out of the woodworks to tell us about their adoption stories. Several of my best friends told me they were adopted, which was something I'd never known.
Bloggers get a bad rap for narcissistic behavior, talking about every detail of their lives. There is some truth to that but it's a definite good thing that we are becoming a more open society regarding the good and bad that can befall us. Nobody should have to go through these things alone.
Mike, good luck to you and your wife. My mom miscarried twice before I was born (and then lost another child at age three weeks between my and my younger brother -- it was a hard road, no question, but in the end it did work out. (As for whether she appreciates the kids she has, you'll have to ask her. :-)
TWL
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish your family comfort. You will be in my prayers.
Psalm 139 (everyone clings to the other Psalm, but I find comfort in this one, so I'll leave it with you.)
Barry
I haven't responded to this post for a long time because I didn't quite know what I could say. I can't imagine what the two of you are going through, but I know you have great kids who love you and a lot of good people (on and offline) who care as well. My deepest sympathies for your loss and my fondest hopes for your future.
Stacy
My wife and I have been trying for a second child, but she's had three miscarriages in 18 months. We thus found out that the percentage really is high; many women and mothers we know, once we told them the news, also revealed their own dissapointments. We have a circle of freinds with (counts mentally) fourteen five and unders, but the amounts of miscarriages is considerably higher.
So knowing that miscarriages are common was a small balm, but that doesn't stop my wife from feeling that sense of loss. My condolances to Kath and you.
It's more common than most people realize, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
My most sincere sympathies and well-wishes to both of you.
--Daryl
My thoughts and prayers are with you, your wife and your families.
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. You and Kath will be in my thoughts.
Sorry, hope it all gets behind soon and does not affect you negatively.
Mike, good luck with your efforts. My wife has friends who've had several miscarrages, and persavered, and now have beautiful children. I can't say from experience that it's worth it, but I do know that my son is the greatest source of joy in my life, and I can't imagine that anyone would ever say that the heartache and frustration you and your wife must be dealing with will not all vanish the first time you look upon your child.
Jerry, we'll add you and your family to our prayers. Odds are just numbers...life is far stronger than people give it credit for. We're in the last two weeks' of my daughter's gestation, and I'll be a nervous wreck until she decides to pop out. Then I'll be deliriously happy for a couple days, and then I'll be worried sick again about SIDs and such...
ah, who'm I kidding...I'd be worried about my kids if they were 40.
My deepest condolences and sympathies to you and your family.
My sympathies as well to Peter & Kathleen, and to the Chandler's.
My wife and I have no kids, and no plans for kids, so I've never really dwelled on the "what ifs" of this kind of situation.
Dear Peter and Kathleen...
I wish I had something more clever or poignant to offer than my deepest sympathies, and prayers for all of you in the days to come.
On Saturday night, my family gathered to celebrate my mother's 91st birthday (just four days after she renewed her driver's license). Among the people there was my newest grand-niece, Katie, who is about 6 months old. I had read this blog entry, Peter, before joining them. And it made me think how lucky my family has been with its children so far. But it also helped me to feel your pain and Katherine's. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope it's something the two of you never have to experience again.
Sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your wife.
Peter, my wife miscarried in December 04. If you ever figure out how to feel, let me know, and if I ever figure it out, I'll let you and everyone else in on it.
I love my new son, and I would never in my life wish for him not to be here, but, sometimes in the night out on the road, I wonder "what if?"
Blessings be to you and Kathy.
"Grief is the price we pay for loving.
"It's a high price, but it's worth it." -- Douglas McEwan
I am so sorry for your loss.
Peter, this seems a little strangely personal for me to be reading, but this is the Internet and, well, so it goes. I wish I was around to give you guys a hug. Just know that I'm thinking about you both out here.
I just want to say I am sorry for your loss. I went through a very similar occurrence back in the late 60s. NO one spoke to you back then if you'd had a miscarriage. Like the little one never existed. Now it's ok to grieve and that is as it should be. It's a life that didn't happen for whatever reason and it should be mourned.
It's amazing the curve balls life will throw without warning. Our hearts and sympathies go out to you. My cousins miscarried at 5 months, which was most difficult. You'll be in our prayers.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I was going to comment about when my fiance's doctor had her go on the pill when she had a similar experience with the bleeding, she was not pregnant though, but when I read further down I was just floored. My condolences.
I am so sorry to hear this news. I've been lurking on your blog for a while now and just wanted to post to let you know that I will be thinking of your family and praying for strength, peace, courage and healing for you, Kath and all the family.
*sniff... So sorry for your loss. Truly a sad time for you. I have a similar story. (Which won't lessen the pain of yours.) Stay strong, give each other a lot of hugs. Sincerely, from a stranger, I wish you peace.
That's just....that's just really sad.
My deepest sympathies to you all.
To everybody who has sent kind words and thoughts our way, thank you. I passed them on to Jenn.
To Peter and Kathleen,
My prayers are with you. Peter, your quick story of your weight loss efforts has encouraged me during my time of life changing (not diet).
I hope the stories of others who have shared their experiences provides comfort for you both and them in sharing.
To Jerry and Jennifer, my prayers are with you as well. Take care of your twins, they will take care of each other, and my hopes for two healthy beautiful babies.
Until later
John Wilson
Wow. I miss a few days...
Most people don't have any idea the rate is nearly that high because it occurs early enough for most that they think it's just a heavy period.
Peter, you and Kath will certainly me in my prayers.
Jerry, I'll be doing my best to send good vibes your way as well.
-Rex Hondo-
Peter, so sorry to hear the news, my wife and I had a similar scenario happen to us awhile back...
She was about 8 weeks pregnant at the time, and started coplaining of stomach pains, so we went to the ER. They ran some tests, came back in their good time (as doctors are wont to do) and told us she had miscarried. Obviously we were devastated, and were making arrangements for her to go see an OB/GYN, when the doctor came back and told us to wait...the lab had screwed up her blood test, the baby was perfectly fine and the pregnancy was healthy.
For 4 hours, I went through what I must imagine you're going through now, trust me when I say I know how you feel. I only wish you and Kath's story could have had an ending more like mine and Katie's.
Please give Kath our love, and remember that time heals all wounds. I know that's a pretty flimsy condolence when you need something more, but it's still very true.