You have to love Stephn Colbert's interview with Congressman Lynn Westmoreland, who is sponsoring a bill that would require the ten commandments in government buildings and court houses. When Colbert asked him the leading question as to whether there was ANYplace more appropriate to see the ten commandments, Westmoreland couldn't think of any (like, oh, say...churches.) And when Colbert asked Westmoreland to name all ten, Westmoreland wasn't able to come up with more than three. Maybe that's why he thinks they should be posted in more places: So he can learn them.
PAD
Posted by Peter David at July 11, 2006 09:32 PM | TrackBack | Other blogs commentingThe ultimate example of a religious panderer. What you want to bet he's probably broken every rule he doesn't remember?
1Alas, that's far too common. Lots of people (on both sides of the aisle, though more commonly on the right) do a lot of talking without thinking.
But it was great piece!
Okay, I'm going to give it a shot cold. Let's see how well the Catholic High School holds up after 20+ years :)
In no particular order:
I am the Lord your God - though shalt have no other God before me.
Honor thy father and mother
Thou shalt not:
steal,
kill,
bear false witness,
covet neighbors possessions,
covet neighbors wife,
commit adultery
What am I missing?
Now can anoyone list the other 100+ that went along with the remaining 10?
Wait an hour after eating before you go swimming
It's okay to eat chicken with your fingers
When you're using a Q-Tip, only go on the outside; don't poke it into the canal
Peter:
Do me a big favor and call Marvel comics and ask them if you can do a draft of the HULK part 2 movie script.
Your a great writer, and you know the Hulk better then anyone, this could be your big chance to get a writing credit on a big budget movie. If you do this you rake in crazy money on other hollywood projects.
Even if you have not written scripts before, don't worry about it, big movies like the Hulk always have more than one draft anyway.
What do you have to lose?
Whats the worst they can say? No?
big deal
Just ask them.
You will not regrett it. Plus it will make it 10X easier when you write the novel version.
Shoot I will give you Avi Arads home phone number if your willing to ask him.
Here's a list of the 10 commandments from Exodus 20 & the second set of 10 commandments from Exodus 34:
http://www.positiveatheism.org/crt/whichcom.htm
Scroll down about 2/3 of the page.
And when Colbert asked Westmoreland to name all ten, Westmoreland wasn't able to come up with more than three.
Creative editing - he came up with more. Not all ten, but apparently six or seven. Which is still funny, but not AS funny.
Each of those interviews goes somewhere near 2 hrs (they get something like 20 for The Daily Show correspondant reports), and is edited into the funny we get to see.
Now can anoyone list the other 100+ that went along with the remaining 10?
Actually, there are 602 other commandments in the Torah (Five Books of Moses, for those unfamiliar).
I just cant stand watching colbert do his shtick for too long. Almost as painful as Dennis Miller. Although Colbert is a bit more topical.
You mean that wasn't a fake (part edited out aside)? I tripped over it a week or two ago and showed it to some friends and we figured it must be one of those Internet jokes. This guy makes Dalton McGuinty (Ontario Premier, roughly equivalent to state governor, and unfortunately my riding representative) seem intelligent in comparison and we didn't think that was possible.
You know, I think Coungressman Les Whinen ought do More Thinkin' and Less Whinnin'!
...yes, I know that "Coungressman Les Whinen" doesn't even remotely sound like "Congressman Lynn Westmoreland". But, please, let me have my obscure Simpson reference.
By the way, and it's a common mistake, but the actual commandment is not "Thou shalt not kill", but "Thou shalt not murder".
Ah yes, I still remember sunday school lessons.....
Truly, if you're going to require something in every government building, it should be highly memorable *and* applicable; like...
"...fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the American way."
"The Force will be with you. Always."
"Yippie-ki-aye, ."
...or, my personal pick...
"Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
Heh; my own self-censoring worked wonders... :-) Make it...
"Yippie-ki-aye, [censored]."
11. Never eat at a place called "Mom's"
12. Never play cards with a man whose name is a city.
13. Never lie down with a woman who has more problems than you do.
The fun part is hearing these guys constantly whinge on about needing the Ten Commandments plastered on every corner is that US law only relates to like 2.4 of them, and most every politician lies to get elected in the first place.
Oh, and the adultery stuff? That only matters when a Dem is involved.
Whoa, whoa... there's no commandment against lying: Bearing false witness (#9) is a VERY specific case of lying, and really awful. That is a crime in the US, it's called Perjury.
So let's go through the other 9, and their legal status:
1) I am the Lord your God - forbidden by the first amendment (although there's some argument that the first amendment was designed just to forbid a state-sponsored church, and nothing else)
2) No false idols - y'mean like Coca-Cola, Mickey Mouse, Golden Arches. Not a law.
3) Don't take the name of the lord in vain - not one of the seven words you can't use on television involves god. Not a law.
4) Remember the sabbath - only in a few communities, not federal law. In Illinois, you can't shop for cars on a Sunday (which is not the original Sabbath, either, mind you)
5) Honor thy father and mother - Hardly a law, barely even a commandment.
6) Thou shalt not murder - Law #2. Not kill, but murder. Nice distinction.
7) ... commit adultery - Nope, no sir, not a federal law... again a few communities, and very hard to enforce, mind you. Also note, not a ban on fornication, only interfering with a marriage vow.
8) ...steal - Law #3
9) ...bear false witness - Law #4
10) ...covet neighbors house, wife, slave, ox or ass -- Nothing against the law to covet, it's the American Way. Who here doesn't covet Angelina Jolie? That nice house across the way? Slavery's out, but that hunk of Kobe filet sure looks good ;)
11. Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
12. Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
13. Never go on a comedy show where they can edit you into looking like an idiot.
14. Especially when you are already not too bright, making said editting quite easy.
15. Thou shalt not pull on Superman's cape.
16. Thou that smelt it, dealt it.
17. If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
18. Clean thy plate lest the children starve in China
19. Thou may vote for Nader, but know thy vote is cat upon the wind never to be seen or heard again.
20. Thou shall not let Joel Schumacher near a superhero franchise lest you be condemed to the lake of fire
21. The above bears repeating!!!!
19 should read
19. Thou may vote for Nader, but know thy vote is cast upon the wind never to be seen or heard again.
The stone tablet was cracked and difficult to translate
JAC
22. When all else fails, play dead.
23. Know your role and shut your mouth.
24. Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.
25. Always have your towel handy.
These are great, the commandments a la the Robocop 2 directive list. Peter should consolidate them all into another post later. (Like how I volunteered you for secretarial duty, PD?)
Whoa, whoa... there's no commandment against lying: Bearing false witness (#9) is a VERY specific case of lying, and really awful. That is a crime in the US, it's called Perjury.
When you consider that there were no courts or much in the way of laws when the Commandments were handed down (as far as I know), it's very much been left to interpretation. Some groups interpret it far more literally than others; some say it's only to do with courts, some say you shouldn't lie at all.
So, I'd say that US law has no basis in the Ten Commandments with this one.
I was going to say Number 26: No pooftahs! But then it occurred to me that there are enough fundamentalists who actually believe that should be a genuine commandment, so...
PAD
was going to say Number 26:
It would probably have to be 26 through 35, just for emphasis.
I think the whole numbering of the extra commandments is off. The 11th, according to Heinlein and other sources, is "Don't get caught".
Not that I disagree with the others, just that that's the only one I've ever heard people refer to by number with the full expectation that people will know what it is.
Just as an FYI, the "No Adultery" thing is illegal in the military. It's against one of the articles of the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
I'm just sayin, is all...
I was going to say Number 26: No pooftahs! But then it occurred to me that there are enough fundamentalists who actually believe that should be a genuine commandment, so...
26. There is no commandment 26.
27. In the trees, as you please; on the ground, not a sound.
// By the way, and it's a common mistake, but the actual commandment is not "Thou shalt not kill", but "Thou shalt not murder".
Ah yes, I still remember sunday school lessons..... //
Depends which interpretation you read. It should be noted that at one point the Catholic Church officially changed the text to read "murder", to specifically excuse those fighting in a war or those who kill in self defence.
// Truly, if you're going to require something in every government building, it should be highly memorable *and* applicable; like...
"...fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the American way."
"The Force will be with you. Always."
"Yippie-ki-aye, ."
...or, my personal pick...
"Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
//
A few years ago there was a story about a official, (can't remember the state), who had "With Great Power Comes Great Responciblity" put on wall of his building.
A few years ago there was a story about a official, (can't remember the state), who had "With Great Power Comes Great Responciblity" put on wall of his building.
I'm nigh-certain you're thinking of Rhode Island Attorney General Patrick Lynch, who took office in 2004 and added a plaque with this phrase to his office. The story's online at http://www.projo.com/words/2004/20040617_st.htm (and contains a somewhat amusing anecdote of how he went about getting permission to use the quote.)
28. You do not talk about Fight Club.
29. You DO NOT talk about Fight Club.
30. Someone yells Stop!, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over.
31. Only two guys to a fight.
32. One fight at a time, fellas.
33. No shirt, no shoes.
34. Fights will go on as long as they have to.
35. If this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.
10) ...covet neighbors house, wife, slave, ox or ass -- Nothing against the law to covet, it's the American Way. Who here doesn't covet Angelina Jolie?
I've especially coveted Angelina Jolie's ass.
;)
36. If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.
37. Spit Rule: You must tap only the bottom of the beer bottles when toasting with them.
38. It's not a real sport if there are ******* dots on the ball.
39. You're not a real country if you don't have a flag.
40. Never tick off the Baby Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells.
Fun with creative editing!
Kelly said---"Creative editing - he came up with more. Not all ten,..."
Could be transformed, without changing the order of any words, into---"Creative editing - he came up with...all ten,..."
But I wouldn't think of doing that. ;)
Jeff Coney said: "19. Thou may vote for Nader, but know thy vote is cast upon the wind never to be seen or heard again."
Maybe that should read: "19. Thou may vote for Nader, but know thy vote is cast upon the wind and it shall taste most foul when it returns."
41. Not to eat meat, that is the law. Are we not men?
42. Not to go on all fours, that is the law. Are we not men?
43. Not to spill blood, that is the law. Are we not men?
44. Never read from an ancient book of Sumerian Demon Summoning, for it is foolish and shalt lead to much grief.
45. Even though the monster doth appear dead it is unwise to checketh to make sure it is so.
46. Smite a zombie upon the head. Do not smite him about the shoulder or chest for this is wasteful and will stop him not.
47 What God hath put together let not be torn assunder; do not split up for it only maketh it easier to die one by one.
48. Dwell not in a grave, nor a mausolium, nor an ancient buriel ground. Art thou stupid?
49. Heed not the words of toothless gas station attendants for they will lead thou and thine kin away from the path of holy righteousness and into the arms of inbred hillbilly cannibals.
50. Standeth not too close to those who make merry in times of strife for they usually biteth it quickly.
51. That goes double if they be Nubians.
52. Be kind to the meek for they may have psychic powers. Bathe them not in the blood of pigs, nor of cows, nor of any cloven hoofed animal, for the Lord doth not find it funny.
53. Messeth not with mother nature; increase not the sizes of scorpions or spiders or grasshoppers or crabs or rats or any other creeping thing for it is brainless and a wonder that it received grant money in the first place.
Don't know why these didn't post before, or why nobody else put these up yet (for shame). I present to you (assuming they go up this time) the revised, sensible, Two Commandments, courtesy of George Carlin:
Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.
&
Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.
-Rex Hondo-
56. Look not a gift horse in the mouth.
57. If thou beith in a glass house, throw not the stones.
54/ Thou shalt not mess in the affairs of dragons for thee art crunchy and good with ketchup.
55. Always get Leonardo Acropolis to paint the Baby Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells in an emergency after much strong alcohol.
56. If at first you don't succeed, hire a media consultant to convice everyone that not only did you never try, but it was all a put-on by the opposition.
57. Thou shalt not question the driver as to the choice of music in the vehicle, for it is sacrosanct and leaves you subject to ejection at high speed a la that guy in Goldfinger.
58.Thou shalt not emulate X-ray, lest ye be subject to disemvoweling.
59. When returning from the captivity of a German master of disguise, always kill the nurse in the cow costume for everyone knows that Nursie is less interested in looking like a cow and more interested in proving that she is a disturbed woman with an udder fixation.
And this is an easy one, but not many people follow it--(y'know, like they follow ALL the others...)
60. Never pay more attention to the person on your phone or the voice on your radio than the road while driving, commandment 57 notwithstanding.
Depends which interpretation you read. It should be noted that at one point the Catholic Church officially changed the text to read "murder", to specifically excuse those fighting in a war or those who kill in self defence.
Just for the record, the Jewish books of the Law were written in Hebrew long before there ever was a Catholic church. So it is irrelevant what the Catholic church says. You must go back to the original Hebrew and look up how the word was used and what it meant in the context of the time.
Sorry, the rant is over.
Regarding the suggested law, it is rather idiotic. And pointless. Putting them on the wall is not going to change a heart which is the only real way to change behavior. While their being posted should not be as scary as some make it out to be, this type of law is pure lunacy.
Iowa Jim
61. Don't cross the streams
62. Don't look at the trap
63. Never Tell me the Odds
64. Never Count Your Money When it's sitting at the Table
65. Affleck is the bomb in Phantoms
Regarding the original Hebrew of the 6th commandment...there isn't complete agreement on whether it was kill or murder. However, the word is the same for both the crime and the punishment so your two basic choices are:
He who kills shall be killed.
or
He who murders shall be murdered.
(The latter possibly meaning that G-d gives society the right to take a life for a life...but he doesn't completely remove the guilt from those who carry out the punishment.)
By the way...there aren't 602 other commandments. There are 603 other commandments. Nitpicky, but the total is 613. here's a complete list
Of course, even so called 'experts' often get things wrong. An article appeared on Beliefnet several years ago The author, a senior editor of the New Republic, talks about the 6 commandments Jesus supported, and the 4 he left out. Unfortunately, nowhere in the article will you find a reference to "thou shalt not covet..." This is due to one of Jesus' six being "love thy neighbor as thyself'. One of the 613, but not one of the 10, so when you combine Jesus' commandments, and Moses' Top Ten, you get 11. (Otherwise, it's an interesting article.)
Actually, I believe that when one goes back to the original texts, a more accurate translation of Commandment 66 is:
When in doubt, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
15. Thou shalt not pull on Superman's cape.
And let us not forget:
Thou shalt not spit into the wind.
Thou shalt not pull the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger.
Thou shalt certainly not mess around with Jim.
-Rex Hondo-
67. Let us do right to all, and wrong no man.
68. Remember, no matter where you go - there you are.
69. The possiblity of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1.
70. Push the button every 108 minutes.
71. The surgeon general warns that smoking can cause lung cancer, emphysema, heart attack, and stroke ...and, you know, they're not bad after unprotected sex with multiple partners, either.
72. Snakes: Nature's Quitters.
73. A wizard did it.
74. Oh gosh, that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. "You are the weakest link, goodbye." You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? "You are the weakest link, goodbye!" And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any "Titanic" jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity, hmm? God you're so funny!
Here is a link to a site listing the religions of Comic book characters.
http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/comic_book_religion.html
76. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
77. Never say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't.
78. Never have sex. Because then you're dead.
79. Never expose them to sunlight.
80. Never get them wet.
81. Never feed them after midnight.
82. He who has the gold makes the rules.
83. Never talk about Fight Club.
84. (related to #69) Never tell me the odds.
85. KAAAAHHHHNNN!
86. kaaaahhhhnnn!
87. It's people! Soylent Green is made out of people!
88. Rome wasn't built in a day. Ironically, Lego-Rome was built in about 20 hours.
89. Never tell Zinedine Zidane a "yo momma" joke.
90. Jack Bauer is the number one cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
91. Vulcans don't lie, they exaggerate.
92. Its not HBO. Its just regular-ass TV.
93. It was his sled. I just saved you two boobless hours.
In NY Courts, it says:
IN GOD WE TRUST
in big letters behind the Judge.
At any rate, the fact that they aren't laws has nothing to do with whether they should be hung up there. Courts do more than just enforce written laws-there is common law, there is equity, etc. So lying may not be against the law (although perjury is) but if caught, it won't be good for you, or your side, in court-. all courts aren't criminal. If you coveted your neighbor's wife, or his ass, or your neighbor's wife's ass, it could look bad for you as a witness or litigant.
There are also lots of rules in court which aren't laws-like, take your hat off in court, don't let your cell phone ring or you may get kicked out, and try not to snore if you sleep.
So, Spiderrob8, then why SHOULD they be put up there?
1Posted by carolinablueelf at July 13, 2006 02:27 PM
So, Spiderrob8, then why SHOULD they be put up there?
***
I don't think they should. I was just doing a stream of consciousness thing with a few jokes, that's all. I hadn't even heard of this.
(I also think, though i have a different view of the Establishment clause than many, and don't believe it requires a strict separation of church and state, that this violates the establishment clause. It almost assuredly would be struck down. It is one thing to have some artwork, even including the 10 commandments, as part of the court design, and another to require this kind of posting. It both in fact establishes religion and has the intent to do so, not well someone may infer the government is endorsing this religion, that it its plain purpose and certainly result, so no good).
"Courthouses would be free to display the Ten Commandments under a bill to be introduced by Georgia House Republicans.
The bill would allow Ten Commandments displays as long as they are portrayed as historical, not religious, documents. The state attorney general would have to defend any legal challenge to the displays, saving local governments from expensive battles over their constitutionality."
http://www.11alive.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=43064
Article is from 2004 so it may have changed but
Hmmm. This is a little different than advertised.
Allow, not require, and historical documents, not religious settings.
I did find one bill that would require the 10 commandments in the Capitol, and one that said basically "the display of ten commandments in public buildings is not an establishment of religion."
Here are the bills
1. Resolved, That if the Supreme Court of the United States holds in either the case of Van Orden v. Perry, 03-1500 (TX) or the case of McCreary County v. ACLU, 03-1693 (KY) that the display of the Ten Commandments in public places by State and local governments constitutes a violation of the establishment clause of the first amendment to the Constitution of the United States, thereby ruling against religious freedom and diminishing the importance of the Ten Commandments to the United States, the Speaker of the House of Representatives shall provide for the display of the Ten Commandments in the chamber of the House of Representatives.
(c0-sponsored by Westmoreland)
2. Resolved by the House of Representatives (the Senate concurring), That Congress--
(1) recognizes that the Ten Commandments are a declaration of the fundamental principles that are the cornerstone of a fair and just society; and
(2) directs that a copy of the Ten Commandments be prominently displayed in the United States Capitol at such place and in such manner as the Architect of the Capitol shall designate.
(not by Westmoreland as far as I can see)
3. Resolved by the House of Representatives (the Senate concurring), That it is the sense of the Congress that the display of the Ten Commandments in public buildings does not violate the first amendment to the Constitution of the United States.
(not sponsored by Westmoreland as far as I can see)
4. No court created by Act of Congress shall have any jurisdiction, and the Supreme Court shall have no appellate jurisdiction, to hear or decide any question pertaining to the interpretation of, or the validity under the Constitution of--
`(1) the Ten Commandments , or its recitation, display, acknowledgement, or use;
`(2) the Pledge of Allegiance, as defined in section 4 of title 4, or its recitation, display, acknowledgement, or use; and
`(3) the National Motto, as defined in section 302 of title 36, or its recitation, display, acknowledgement, or use.'
(not sponsored by Westmoreland as far as i can see)
(5)
Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States protecting religious freedom.
Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled (two-thirds of each House concurring therein), That the following article is proposed as an amendment to the Constitution of the United States, which shall be valid to all intents and purposes as part of the Constitution when ratified by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several States within seven years after the date of its submission for ratification, and is intended to include protection of the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, the display of the Ten Commandments , and voluntary school prayer:
`Article --
` To secure the people's right to acknowledge God according to the dictates of conscience:
`The people retain the right to pray and to recognize their religious beliefs, heritage, and traditions on public property, including schools.
`The United States and the States shall not establish any official religion nor require any person to join in prayer or religious activity.'.
(which was sponsored or supported by Westmoreland)
Posted by: Sasha at July 12, 2006 07:44 PM
10) ...covet neighbors house, wife, slave, ox or ass -- Nothing against the law to covet, it's the American Way. Who here doesn't covet Angelina Jolie?
I've especially coveted Angelina Jolie's ass.
The way that commandment is often worded makes it sound as though coveting they neighbor's wife, ox, or ass are equivalent transgressions. And that scares me. Because anyone who covets his neighbor's ox in the same way he covets his neighbor's wife is nobody I wanna know.
95. Reacheth into the hiding places of your parents and draw forth the pictures of dead presidents. Sendeth these pictures to me, in c/o...
Since the other commandments were inadvertantly broken by Moses, of course, one can only guess at what they were (a hundred points for the reference).
"The way that commandment is often worded makes it sound as though coveting they neighbor's wife, ox, or ass are equivalent transgressions."
That's probably because they were. Wives were often historically seen as property, the same as livestock.
"Since the other commandments were inadvertantly broken by Moses, of course, one can only guess at what they were (a hundred points for the reference)."
HotW:PI
Posted by: Bobb Alfred at July 13, 2006 04:36 PM
"The way that commandment is often worded makes it sound as though coveting they neighbor's wife, ox, or ass are equivalent transgressions."
That's probably because they were. Wives were often historically seen as property, the same as livestock.
Sigh... yes, I know that. It was a joke. See, back then, a man's house, his slave, his ox, his ass, and his wife were all considered property. Whereas today, looking at a man's ox in the same way that you look at his hot wife would be considered by most to be... disturbing, at the very least.
For the record, the Congressman's office says he came up with about 7, but that they edited to 3.
Not that i think it really matters to the issue.
I am sure there are a ton of things politcians vote for or sponsor or sign into law (or bodies they set up) as requirement that they themseleves could not do. Citizenship tests, educational requirements, physical fitness requirements(;0)), whatever. Doesn't really matter as to whether the idea is good or bad-not to mention that, in the course of an interview, a politician could be somewhat flustered or taken aback in an interview even though he should (or does) know it. and editing can always play a role as well.
I may have told this story here before.......
This is actually not as funny as some I've seen or, in this case, heard. Back around General Assembly '96 or '97, there was a bit of a dust up caused by the press when they pointed out that some bill that got passed was written so narrowly that it pertained to exactly, and obviously favorably, one man in the entire state (a friend of a delegate) and his business. The next day the local news radio station (WRVA) played an interview clip with one of our elected wonder boys. He said, and I swear to God that I heard this myself on the radio, "Well, if we had known what the bill was about then we might have read it before we voted on it."
It made me so proud to be a Virginian.
98. The Giving Tree is not a Chump
99. No Groaning in my store
100......
I'll leave #100 up to PAD (or someone else)
100. Though shall not question, detain, arrest, or take viagra from Rush in a Red State.
101. Never whistle while your pissing.
102. Never meddle in the affairs of Wizards for they are soggy and hard to lite.
103. Give it to Mikey. He will eat anything!
104. Do not throw butts in the urinal, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
105. All your base are belong to us.
Olsen posted:
103. Give it to Mikey. He will eat anything!
Um, not quite. In the original Life Cereal commercial, three boys (including Mikey) are seen at the breakfast table. The two older boys are discussing the cereal
Boy 1: "What's this stuff?"
Boy 2: "Some cereal--supposed to be good for you."
Boy 1: "Did you try it?"
Boy 2: "I'm not going to try it. You try it!" (pushes a bowl to Boy 1)
Boy 1: "I'm not going to try it." (pushes the bowl back; then, suddenly inspired) "Let's give it to Mikey."
Boy 2: "Yeah, he won't eat it. He hates everything."
It was only AFTER Mikey started eating the cereal that we got
Boy 1: "He likes it. He really likes it*."
I believe the commercial's end tagline included some comment about finicky eaters enjoying Life, "even Mikey" (or "even kids like Mikey", though I think that was a later variation).
Admittedly, it's been a while since I've seen the commercial, but I believe I've remembered it more or less correctly.
*Of course, by the end of the decade, a variation on that came up when Sally Field accepted her Oscar with the line, "You like me! You really, really like me!"
Joseph, what's amazing is that even after God knows how many years, you nailed it.
I can't remember the names of the students I taught last semester but upon watching the criterion DVD release of EQUINOX I was shocked to discover that I remembered every single detail of the trailer, which I hadn't seen since 1970. How does that happen?
(a movie which violates Law 44, btw)
I have fairly distinct memories that the "he likes it!" line is "he likes it! Hey, Mikey!" rather than what Joseph said -- but other than that, I think it's spot-on.
(And Bill, I can't compete with you on movie trailers, but I can name the kids I taught 5-10 years ago, possibly alphabetically by section. The other teachers all hate me for some reason...)
TWL
Commandment 106: Trust your feelings ... and then if you can't be good, be careful.
107: If the girls don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.
(A tip of the hat to anyone who gets that reference. I'm not going to offer anything tangible because I have nothing tangible to give.)
108: Thou shalt not make commandments that are not, in fact, commandments, but are instead truisms, warnings or suggestions.
109: Thou shalt not condemn others for transgressions also committed by thyself, as thou hast done within this very post.
110: Thou shalt avoid using Elizabethan English unless thou truly knowest it so thou dost not make a fool of thyself.
111: Relative to 110, see number 109.
112: Thou shalt not make a mess of the system of numbering commandments by creating commandments that are merely references to prior commandments.
113: Relative to 112, see number 109.
Tim,
That's an absolutely amazing ability. You're like...Rainman or something!
(I had a kid say that to me once after I did some instant multiplication in my head. What was amazing was that A-she really meant it as a compliment and B-the multiplication in question was something like 7 x 8. When I blurted out 56 I received looks of wonder and amazement not seen since the time I picked up a 5 foot blacksnake and didn't react when the poor thing bit me. "You must have a calculater in your head!" was another comment. I weep for our future.)
Back briefly to the cereal issue--anyone remember Freakies? Someone say yes or I may conclude this is all some drug induced haze and I didn't take drugs in college (yeah, I know, but that's the story I'm sticking to). They were little, um, freaks, I guess, and they lived in a Freakie tree. There was an jingle that went with it:
"Oh we are the freakies"
"We are the Freakies"
"This is our Freakie tree"
"We never miss a meal"
"'Cause we love our Cer-e-al"
(ok, that's a terrible rhyme but if you pronounce cereal as "Seer Eeee Ale" it kinda sorta works.)
As I recall, they tasted of berries and corn...
I'm pretty sure the final line is, "He likes it! Hey, Mikey!" "He likes it, he really likes it" is a misquote of Sally Field's Oscar line.
PAD
PAD's correct...but what's funny is that somehow the whole thing has been mutated into what Olsen thought it was. I've heard it referenced a few times by baby boomers and, to a one, they used it in some "Give it to Mikey! He'll eat anything!" kind of way.
Did anyone else bother to vote on Quisp vs Quake? Hey, for me that conflict was VASTLY more important than the one in Vietnam, at least at the time. Quisp was a way cool alien while Quake was, well, a miner. It was sad. He wasn't even a mutant miner or anything. Quisp could fly. Quake could hit rocks with his hammer. Jesus. You almost had to feel bad for the guy.
I remember buying both cereals (which both tasted like Captain Crunch, as I recall) just to get these plastic rings. Quake's ring had what was advertised as a piece of lava on it. I now understand that what the bastards meant was that they found a damn igneous rock and glued it on but at the time I assumed it was pulled from the very maw of some active volcano, possibly Kracatoa, East of Java. (Well, if you're willing to go the long way it really IS east of Java).
Quisp's ring had what was promised to be an actual meteorite! Well Mrs. Mulligan's kid wasn't some rube who just fell off the turnip truck. OBVIOUSLY this was a steaming bucket of horse fecal matter. Ain't no WAY they are giving away actual pieces of meteorites, no matter how small.
But I got both anyway and wore them with pride (which goes a long way toward explaining why I was seldom in serious running for Most Popular At School). Both rings, long lost, sell for around $800-$1000 on the collector's market. For that money I could actually buy a beautiful head-sized meteorite on ebay. And the goddess of irony smiles once again...
114) Thou shalt not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
115) Two wrongs don't make a right.
116) Three do.
117) Thou SHALL return the shopping cart to the appointed place in the parking lot.
118) Thou shalt not spank bears.
119) If tis yellow, let it mellow
120) If tis brown flush it down.
121) Who marries who is none of your business.
122) "Like" is not to be used as every third word in a sentence.
123) Know that any film based upon the works of L. Ron Hubbard shall be dreck.
Tangential to all this, just found out I'm gonna be a daddy in about 7 1/2 months.
(A tip of the hat to anyone who gets that reference.)
Just make sure you follow that up with the Man's Prayer: "Quando omni flunkus moritati". :)
Tangential to all this, just found out I'm gonna be a daddy in about 7 1/2 months.
Oh wow, hey, congratulations!
I am all for it!!
plus these commandments.
11)Thou shall not bring guns to school and kill fellow students.
12)Thou shall not teach Darwin,true science,or promote creativity outside "normal" thinking.
107: If the girls don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.
(A tip of the hat to anyone who gets that reference. I'm not going to offer anything tangible because I have nothing tangible to give.)
124) Thou shalt observe the Duct Tape and keep it handy
125) Thou shalt keeo thine stick on the ice.
Regarding the whole neighbos ox/wife conundrum...I know some people (unfortunately) where that wouldn't be much of a problem. Now, whether that's because these people like animals or the wives are really, er, having great personalities, I'll leave that to your imaginations.
Craig J. Ries and Manny, I have a hat lying around somewhere... as soon as I find it, I'll put it on and tip it in your direction.
Bill Mulligan, I thought you were crazy, but Jeannie remembers Freakies cereal. She may even have one of the magnets on our 'fridge.