October 30, 2002

THE GREEN AND THE RED

But I Digress...
Sept. 21, 1990

In order to be extremely accommodating, as this column is wont to do, this ninth installment of But I Digress-- will feature two subjects: one that is fairly serious and I've been giving some thought to; and one that is utterly pointless and even vaguely humorous, which occurred to me in a comic store.

Therefore, depending upon your mood, you can read the first entry (the pointless, vaguely humorous one) or the second entry, which is serious and disturbing and may even be regarded as insulting to a long-standing comics character (although it's not intended as such).

If you're of a broad mind this day, you can even read both and dwell on how the world can be both thoughtful and pointless all at the same time.

First, the pointless, vaguely humorous bit.

I was visiting Amazing Comics in Sayville, Long Island, wherein there was a display of the new line of action figures being released with Marvel and DC characters.

Now, I love action figures. They are the toys I wish I had had when I was a kid but am glad they're here now, since it means I don't have to beg my parents to buy them for me.

(Actually, have you ever done that as an adult? Like, when you see those 900 numbers that say, "Get your parents' permission to call." And you're 33 years old and you call your folks and ask if you can call this 900 number. And your parents say no. Then you call it anyway and revel in the idea that you can still be defiant, just like when you were a teenager. Makes you feel young. Try it sometime. But I digress...)

Anyway, I'm looking at this line of action figures, and I'm very impressed. Unlike the earlier, awful line of Marvel action figures (the ones that were really stiff and didn't bend at the knees or elbows, and the black ink from Daredevil's DD insignia smeared off on your hands. The only one that looked cool was the Spidey in the black costume, and it was tough to find. And they came with these stupid secret shields, for pity's sake, that had nothing to do with anything), these action figures are really cool.

They bend just as well as the original DC action figures (some of whom make their reappearance, such as Hawkman) and they come with great accessories.

The only problem was-- The Hulk.

Not a problem, really. The Hulk looked cool, and he was green, but since the green guy came back I can live with that (although a gray one would look even cooler). It was the accessories he came with: an iron bar and a boulder. A big, plastic boulder.

Now in truth, I don't know what I would have had him come with myself. The problem was that it made me start thinking of action figures and raving about them, and The Hulk expressing his annoyance over the boulder. And it sounded just like what was to me: one of the most heart-tugging moments in the old Charlie Brown special, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

Really! It would go like this:

Cap: Look! I got this great shield launcher that throws my shield when you squeeze the trigger!

Surfer: I've got a gleaming, shining surfboard!

Hulk: I got a rock.

Punisher: I got all these fantastic machine guns to blow bad guys away!

Daredevil: I got a billy club launcher that really launches my club!

Hulk: I got a rock.

Spider-Man: I got suction cups on my hands so I can actually stick to walls!

Doc Ock: I got suction cups on my mechanical arms so I can chase after you!

Hulk: I got a rock.

Get a bunch of friends together and read this out loud. Really. You'll feel so sad for The Hulk.

Go out and buy lots of Hulk action figures. Make him feel better. Help him get his rocks off.

See? Told you it was pointless. By the way, has anyone seen the supposed action figure of The Blank from Dick Tracy? I've seen everyone but.

More serious things now.

I was travelling and I turned on the hotel TV and, so help me, Red Sonja was on. So I'm watching Red Sonja and Arnold going through their paces and I start thinking about Sonja-- really thinking about her-- for the first time in years.

And I start to get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, the kind I always get when I realize that something's going to occur to me that should have occurred to me years ago, except I didn't realize it. Sonja's one sick puppy.

What prompted me to realize this was, of all things, Atlantis Chronicles.

In Atlantis Chronicles #3, a character named Cora is brutally raped (said rape resulting in the birth of the hellish Kordax). Writing that sequence and the subsequent storyline, was easily the most difficult story I've ever written. I felt so deeply for Cora and for what she went through. My sister, Ronni, asked me why I had written it, if it was so upsetting to me. And I told her, "Because that's what happened." Which is really the only answer I could come up with.

So I was watching Red Sonja for the first time since I'd written AC #3. And I started thinking about Sonja. And I started getting chills.

Sonja, as most every comics fan knows, was raped as a teenager. With the help of a passing goddess, some magic, and a convenient sword, Sonja embarked on a career as a swordswoman with a personal viewpoint on chastity that most fanboys know by heart. It rolls as trippingly off the tongue as does Green Lantern's oath or the line about what burns at the Man-Thing's touch.

Red Sonja vows that she will never give herself to (i.e., have sex with) any man except one who could defeat her in combat.

I've known this for years. I never thought anything about it, except sometimes I occasionally wished that Conan would clobber her once and for all and get it over with. But now I thought about it, and it really started to upset me (as did my attitude).

Follow:

Sonja was raped. She was brutalized. Control over her body was taken by a man, who overpowered her and had forced intercourse with her.

And she swore that no man would ever touch her except-- who? A man who could beat her. Overpower her. Defeat her. That's creepy.

A gentle man does not have a chance with Red Sonja. A poet couldn't woo her. A singer could not sway her. A man of grace or charm, a man of breeding and education who would never think of striking a woman, much less raping one, won't get to first base with her. In short, the sort of man who, with patience and understanding, could put the pieces of this woman's sex life back together again is automatically out of the running.

Instead, the only man that she will have sex with is a man who can re-enact the single most traumatic and devastating event of the woman's life. Someone who is capable of overpowering Red Sonja, as her rapist did, is the one she will give herself to. She has doomed herself to disdain all normal sex, searching instead for someone who can remove control of her body from her once more and force her to relive her rape.

Red Sonja is a sick, sick woman. She is a living incarnation of the oldest and most insidious beliefs that men can have-- namely, that women want to be raped. "But your honor, she was asking for it. Begging for it. Really. It wasn't my fault. She wanted it."

Red Sonja stalks the world of Conan with a philosophy that says, "Come on, take your shot. Think you're man enough? Come on. Come on."

I guess the thing that disturbs me more than the nature of the vow itself is that it took me this long to glom to it. I viewed this philosophy of hers, not as the viewpoint of a sick woman, but as a challenge. This was the gauntlet she threw down to the world, rather than a cry for help.

She's a sick character? Well, so is Bruce Banner. So is Bruce Wayne. (Must go with the name.) But to the best of my knowledge (I don't pretend to have read every story Sonja's been in) she hasn't been treated that way. The high tragedy of who she is and of the trauma of her brutalization have not really been explored.

And I'm annoyed with myself that I ever wanted Conan to beat her so he could give it to her, already. What in hell was I thinking? Some of the scariest things in the Hyborian world aren't conjured up by evil wizards.

(Peter David welcomes any comments c/o Comics Buyer's Guide. He writes Hulk, Atlantis Chronicles, and other sick titles.)

Posted by Glenn Hauman at October 30, 2002 10:32 PM | TrackBack | Other blogs commenting
Comments
Posted by: Paul F. P. Pogue at October 31, 2002 05:17 AM

Dammit, now I want to see a PAD Red Sonja one-shot. Because I can't think of the character in remotely the same way either.

Posted by: Yves St-Germain at October 31, 2002 08:47 AM

my hulk doesnt have a rock :(

Posted by: Pedro Ferreira at October 31, 2002 12:38 PM

I remember some Roy Thomas/Frank Thorne issues where this issue is sort-of addressed. In one of them Sonja actually lets a boy (a cripple, no less) kiss her after spending the night thinking how her vow could be the result of her immaturity at the time.

And in one Tom De Falco issue, she's being seduced by a demon imprisoned inside a ruby (who appears to her in dreams as a handsome man); he wins her by telling her "Can't you see I've already beaten you in the most important battlefield - the heart?".

But yours is a very good point, and Sonja always came across as being extremely scarred (small wonder, really...). I always interpreted her vow as perpetual chastity - either (a) she's truly unbeatable or (b) if she actually meets someone who bests her she'll fight to the death to avoid sex.

Posted by: Paul F. P. Pogue at October 31, 2002 12:54 PM

I remember that DeFalco issue! Very first comic I ever bought, at the tender age of 9, having not the slightest idea what Red Sonja was all about. Creeped me the hell out, it did.

Posted by: Josh at October 31, 2002 09:06 PM

It's funny, you kinda touched on that Hulk-rock issue in a Hulk Annual years ago, where the Hulk was depressed over the idea of his action figure having a rock. I was watching It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown the other night, and when it got to the part of the rock, I remembered that moment with the Hulk, and only then did I realize exactly what you were referring to back then.

Posted by: RJ Spassov at November 2, 2002 01:11 AM

Well, one of the coolest figures I ever bought from the Marvel line was the mr fixit hulk. came with a hat and everything, which seemed like an actual useful accesory since Joe liked his clothes and to look good.

Posted by: manga, the Awesome One in pigtails at November 2, 2002 07:36 AM

Really interesting point about Red Sonja. That point was kind of addressed in one ofe Phil Foglio's XXENOPHILE anthologies. (Look for the one with Blue Opal, and be aware that it's intended for an adult audience.)

For those who can't (for various reasons) get a hold of it, basically Blue Opal is under a geas from her patron goddess not to do the deed until someone defeats her. In the story, a guy defeats her in an unexpected way and she admits that she'd always assumed it'd be in battle and the aftermath would be violent. (In this case it wasn't) I never saw the parallels to Red Sonja before. They're kind of obvious now.